2018 Trade Deadline Preview, Part 3

Part 1, regarding the highest-valued Penguins, was Tuesday, and Part 2, regarding the lowest-valued Penguins, was yesterday. Today we’ll go over the Penguins who are most likely candidates for a trade.

#5a: Bryan Rust

Rust has been bounced around the depth chart all season and hasn’t missed a beat as a result, although his productivity has shifted from balance, keyed by a very good shooting percentage, to mostly assists, as he is tied for second on the team (with some guy named Crosby) in even-strength assists. So which Rust do we prefer: the one whose shooting percentage from last season would lead the team this season, or the one who is getting the offense going in other ways? One thing’s for sure, Mike Sullivan likes Rust’s flexibility and that bodes well for Rust to hang around in Pittsburgh beyond this year. Speaking of which, Rust is an RFA after this season, so it stands to reason that he’ll be extended sometime soon.

#5b: Kris Letang

Letang is the eighth-most expensive defenseman in the League, and while he’s very good at generating offense, he has long gone through bouts of streakiness and mental absenteeism. Additionally, his health is often a concern; there was a stat that showed that Letang has missed ~20% of regular season games, which also says nothing about him missing two of the last three postseasons. It was a bit damning to see the Penguins win the Stanley Cup last season completely without his services. Letang does have a limited no-movement clause, so moving him won’t be as easy as that, but there are just twelve teams on his no-trade list. Letang’s poor start this season could be overlooked as the whole team struggled, and if the second half is better for the Penguins it certainly could be due to a resurgence from Letang.

#6a: Tristan Jarry

Jarry’s performance in half as many games as Murray has made people think that he shouldn’t just have been Murray’s backup from the beginning of the season, some think the Penguins should have let Murray go in the trade deadline and have Jarry be Marc-Andre Fleury’s heir apparent. Of course, then you have games like against Boston on Sunday, when Murray came in and helped keep the Penguins in the game and snatch two points back. With all due respect to Fleury, having a tandem like Murray and Jarry is much more comforting. I can’t say Jarry is completely untradable, as the depth chart behind him is still quite good (DeSmith, Gustavsson), but he’s the next-most experienced and reliable goaltender after Murray (sorry Leighton), and he’s been quite good as Murray’s backup, which is a lot more than we could have said about Antti Niemi.

#6b: Daniel Sprong

With the Penguins scuffling along offensively, the front office had no choice but to call up the 20 year old Sprong, who left Wilkes-Barre/Scranton as the team leader in goals and points. It’s been a brief but mostly positive second stint for the franchise’s top forward prospect, with a two goal, three point outburst against the Islanders on January 5. Following in the footsteps of Guentzel, Rust, and Sheary, he’s slotted in on Crosby’s wing for the time being, and the duo manhandled the Islanders in that matchup. All the talk about Sprong’s defensive game will probably not be a worry as he’s paired with someone as aggressive for the puck as Sid. Sprong has been the subject of many trade rumors, but if he can provide a jolt of offense to the Penguins lineup, there’s no way the Penguins can let him go without getting something substantial in return.

#7a: Brian Dumoulin

Dumoulin has taken on more of a defensive role this season, notching just two assists which is way down from the fourteen he had last season (though he’s doubled his career goals total, from two to four). His possession numbers are quite good, but the luck just hasn’t been there for him. Dumo was never going to be the guy the team leaned on for his offensive contributions, but the team could probably use a bit more production out of him; after all, his primary pairmate is Letang. Otherwise, Dumoulin has been pretty steady and has the second-most minutes amongst defensemen on the time. So while I don’t imagine the Penguins trading Dumoulin (who has five years left on his $4.1M/yr contract), the second half has to see more from him.

#7b: Conor Sheary

Meanwhile, Sheary recently has seen his ice time diminish, possibly a reflection (and an admission by Sullivan) that he hasn’t been producing as well as he had been. Unlike his compatriot Rust, who has managed to look good on pretty much any line, Sheary hasn’t shown himself to be as productive away from Crosby, which is not a useful attribute. The one thing that is going in Sheary’s favor is a high shooting percentage, good for second (sorry Oleksiak) on the team. The other saving grace for Sheary is that he’s one of two natural left wingers on the team (and the other one is not impressing many either, see Hagelin), and there aren’t many left wingers behind him in the depth chart. But he’s only got five points (3G-2A) since December 1, so he’d better rediscover his scoring touch or his position won’t matter for long.

#8a: Dominik Simon

Surprisingly to me, Simon has found himself as a linemate for Crosby more often than not thus far. Simon has not played his natural center position much for the Penguins in his brief and scattered stints, but as you would probably expect, he’s gotten three of his four assists with #87; I guess that Crosby guy can make anyone a decent hockey player! In all fairness, Simon was called up ahead of other natural centers in Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Jean-Sebastien Dea and Teddy Blueger, so the coaching staff must be happy with his flexibility. It’s a small sample size for the Czech, and I’d like to see what he can do centering his own line, but I guess if they’re getting offense out of him and they can spread out the production that way, he can stay on Sid’s line for a while.

#8b: Ian Cole

Cole is the lame duck of the defensive group; supposedly he’s fallen out of favor with Sullivan, which could be evidenced by the decline in ice time, and just generally Cole has taken steps back from his play last season. But he’s still a solid defenseman, and I think there’s a few teams out there that could use a lefty on the blueline. If Cole continues to be a healthy scratch for Sullivan, then Cole is anticipated to be on his way out of Pittsburgh. Case in point: he played ~20+ minutes in five games, was a minus for three of those games and they were each losses. I’m sure the front office is working hard to find a possible landing spot for Cole.

  • Finn Bonzalez
    • The66thDopefish

      There might be a part four, time permitting, in the same vein as last year’s trade deadline preview, ranking each team by whether they are buyers or sellers.

      • Finn Bonzalez

        Is it part of the canon or more of a stand-alone release?

        • The66thDopefish

          Definitely an appendix

  • The Andy Pepperqvist

    Excellent job DF. This trilogy ranks slightly above LOTR, and slightly below Backdoor Babysitters.

  • The Great Bambino

    PART 3! Geeez kid, get a hobbie.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      He can’t hear you… too busy sailing his Hobie cat into the sunset…
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bf48071cce0fa3c41aac3c49aa0c2f744dc676148d31443fbb95e5c2df97c98a.jpg
      😀

      • The Great Bambino

        hobby.
        (word communist)

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          teehee! Also, why did your name change? what did I miss? are you still a girl? 😀

          • The Great Bambino

            A) I was never a girl
            B) i’m part of the – “#THE” movement …ask TheBrendan
            C) i was bored

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            “I was born a WOMAN, also I was bored: The Great Bambino Story”
            Coming this spring in hardcover and paperback
            😀

          • Finn Bonzalez

            Was “#THE” movement the reason why erreyone was wearing black at the Globes?

          • The Ungaba

            No, they did that to keep attention away from the fact that they all knew for years that Harvey Weinstein was a disgusting pig but never said anything about it.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Yeah, no point in trying to change anything right? Just pretend it never happened, that would be better…
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5307a2653e6164cfe9d9daee1380b151c6741642ebed810723908f603b41537c.gif
            Those rich Hollywood a-holes gave over $14 million dollars to a legal defense fund for less privileged sexual misconduct victims. Lets call out the good stuff people do, even people we don’t like. #positivityblawg

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Here I’ll start…
            WAY TO GO CAPS!!!
            https://www.nhl.com/capitals/news/capitals-casino-night-raises-more-than-302000-for-charity/c-294693058
            ( that was much harder than I thought it’d be 😀 )

          • The Ungaba

            That’s the greatest thing about sports – in the end, it’s all just entertainment. If you get too serious about it, that’s on YOU for being the crazy one.

            But there is no doubt that these people have the spotlight and thus the ability to to Great Things with their stardom. EVERY major professional sports team in our country does stuff like this ALL the time, and then you add on the individuals that do their own things (Crosby with the gear for low-income kids, Fleury with the playground, and many many others).

            So yes, GLORY TO THE CAPITALS for raising all that money for a great cause and for generally being great people doing great things for people who need it.

          • The Ungaba

            OK, fine, whatever helps them look themselves in the mirror because THAT is what matters, right! That they can feel good about themselves! We can just overlook them black-balling the accusers that came out in the open. And maybe also ignore the years and years and years of ‘looking the other way for their careers.’

            Politicians are the most despicable people on the planet but a VERY close second, at least in our present day, are ‘movie stars’.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            The point is that this is literally normal EVERYWHERE people are in power in the US and elsewhere. No use in pointing fingers, this is and has been the culture in the United States for a very long time, and I don’t care what the motivation is of people trying to make a positive change. If they’re actually doing something GREAT! Why would we want to discourage people from changing themselves and institutions for the better? Just so we can feel self-righteous?

          • The Ungaba

            Good is good. Using good to shield the bad is loathsome. “I used to cheer for Harvey, called him ‘god’, and also gave Roman Polanski a standing ovation, but that doesn’t matter because I gave 0.05% of my income to a fund for the underprivileged.” That doesn’t bother you, not even a little bit? Because it bothers the hell out of me.

            Related, here’s a powerful story I am currently reading about how some of this stuff came to light:

            https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/moira-donegan-i-started-the-media-men-list.html?utm_source=tw&utm_medium=s3&utm_campaign=sharebutton-t

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            So what’s the alternative? Tell me what they should do

          • The Ungaba

            That’s not what I mean at all. Great, speaking out is great. But ignoring their bullshit is lame. Any time someone tells me how great and brave people like Meryl Streep and Oprah Winfrey are for speaking out about this, I’m going to shove it right back in their faces that they should have done it long ago and don’t deserve any special recognition for it now. That’s all.

            I’m allowed to be glad that there is a movement going on and disgusted by these people at the same time. That’s OK.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            I will add to this thought: the only reason that there is this “movement” in Hollywood is because there were a handful of victims who had the guts to buck the toxic establishment and risked everything, personally, to try to finally get some accountability established for these predators. Without them putting this out in the open, very loudly, I guarantee you nobody in Hollywood starts to wear black at the Golden Globes, and is talking about sexual victims.

            That’s a problem. That it takes some bad publicity for the culture at large to realize “oh shit, yeah, maybe it’s bad to have that normalized. Please, everyone keep watching movies!”

          • The Ungaba

            …and BTW, don’t forget that Trump Sucks and We Must Continue To Resist and please buy Tide!!!!

          • The Ungaba

            I’ll try again with out politicizing anything…

            Yes, 100% this. Hollywood AND ‘the media’. So it’s hysterical that, at the Golden Globes, which is presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press, who’s entire job is to cover what goes on in Hollywood, essentially just admitted that they haven’t done their job in DECADES by trying to uncover this stuff. Yet then they act like they should get credit for ‘bringing it to light’. That’s my favorite irony in all of this.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Not only failing to uncover it, but arguably being proactively involved in keeping it buried. Apparently practically EVERYONE knew this was going on. And nobody was saying anything about it. That’s more than just a failure of disclosure. That’s called a “cover”.

          • The Ungaba

            OK, we better stop because our continual agreement may blow up this blawg. 🙂

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Ok sure, all I heard was the disgusted part. Otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Holy fucking shitballzing Murray….

            We completely agree on something.

          • The Ungaba

            Sometimes logic is logical for me. 🙂

      • The Ungaba

        Dammit, Sleve, she’s a Doctor, not a championship spelling bee winner!

        • Finn Bonzalez

          It’s probably not easy because she’s writing dawktor all day long.

          • The Great Bambino

            I need more sleep. I getting Finn-hour sleep and everything is blurry.

          • Finn Bonzalez

            I doan recommend continuing like that.

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          It just reminded me of Hobie catamarans and I like to imagine DF dropping this post then hopping in a little sailboat and we just stand there watching him sail over the horizon as a single tear rolls dahn my cheek…

        • The Great Bambino

          It’s early, I cannot spell without my coffee (and a dictionary…that takes voice commands)

    • The66thDopefish

      This IS my hobby 😀

      (Next to parenting and playing PES 2018)

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Wilson with the bailbag:
    http://www.hockeybuzz.com/blog/Ryan-Wilson/Bye-week-mailbag/177/90227

    (wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.PH’s Fata vs Tangradi made the cut)

    • The Ungaba

      Twice even! That’s funny.

      I tend to agree that Cole will be moved but I too have no inkling of anything else that could happen. I could easily see GMJR moving Cole for picks and then just hanging out and seeing what happens.

      • PensPointsYourMom

        GMJR and Sully have to two coldest seats in the league (are cold seats a thing?). I agree that sitting pat is a possibility. But I do think GMJR tends to be aggressive, and I can also see him making big moves, but I don’t think he’s going to trade futures for rentals.

        • The66thDopefish

          Cole is the most likely player to move, as disappointing as that is because Hunwick hasn’t shown us much and certainly not what they’re paying him for. But Ruhwedel and Oleksiak are likely the 5/6 defensemen, Hunwick was just signed this offseason for three years, and Cole is a UFA, so Cole makes the most sense to move.

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
  • The Great Bambino

    Gotta go into ‘the hole’, see yah tomorrow probably.

  • The Ungaba

    Thank you, Mr. Dopefish, for this thorough examination of the Pens roster’s ‘tradability matrix’. It has been enlightening!

  • The Ungaba

    Literally everyone on this site writes better than BoobDoucheShine:

    http://pittsburghhockeynow.com/nhl-trade-rumors-penguins-still-targeting-third-line-center/

    Brock Nelson… hmmm. But I agree that a move between division foes is particularly unlikely. Oh well.

  • SouthSideGeno

    66th DOPEFISH & RAD…2020

    (Butt only if I’m named Ambassador to one of the countries like Sweden or Finland where they keep all the blonds?)

    • The Ungaba

      Reasonable. Can I be Treasury Sec.? I need moar moniez

      • SouthSideGeno

        We’re getting your office ready now…it’s this warm, sunny location…maybe you’ve heard of it?
        Gitmo?

        • The Ungaba

          In sunny Cuba! Sounds great!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            They have all these neat old cars dahn der…

          • The Ungaba

            Yeah, communism is the best, amirite???? 😉

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            YEAH!

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            You have to make a few sacrifices for true equality.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Yeah, you have to have lean into that embargo, really embrace it for the good of the people 😀

          • The Ungaba

            Don’t worry yourselves with questions about what to make or eat or drive or read or do, komrades. We know better. We will tell you! Won’t that be nice???

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Actually yeah, kinda… hahaha as I get older I hate making mundane decisions more and more, to the point where I kinda just stop.

          • The Ungaba

            Too far, Sleve. Now go put on your Che Guevera shirt and GTFO.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Ew no, that neck beard…

          • The Ungaba

            That’s the reason you don’t like him? Not the murders or the racism? I’d put the beard at ‘1b’ at best.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Yes, that’s the only reason I don’t like Che. 1000% serious. For Real. No Jokes.

          • @ungabaintrepid:disqus with his “how can I make this political as fast as possible” to a picture of a sexy kangaroo

          • The Ungaba

            Hey now, SSG said he was sending me to Gitmo, dammit!

          • The Ungaba

            Bah, I’ll let you off the hook… because I lurb u. 😉

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        “Gimme that… it’s mine… see, my name is on it!”
        -Ung to everyone he sees in public with cash after he becomes Treasury Sercretary

    • Finn Bonzalez

      Reminded me of the former US ambassador to Finnsburgh: beefed up Pee-Air
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e68f28df19cef137cee6a0ddff0a2971f554cbdaa8c489b6ef2b83a7d30f8e1f.jpg

  • PensPointsYourMom
    • Finn Bonzalez

      HI PHIL! HI AMANDA!

      • PensPointsYourMom

        Sully must have clamped down on team tweets or something, no updates this week from Geno, Schultz, Murray, Rust, Cole, or Phil

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          Geno’s been doin stuff on the grams

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            LeHair also

          • Finn Bonzalez
          • The Ungaba

            So they’re at Lemieux’s ‘other house’ in Quebec. Not too shabby. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/78bff2ec9460c082b356a53f8c7dc2d7592da459a9a3dbcfd877e7a076b7cc5c.jpg

          • PensPointsYourMom

            It made the list of top 10 NHLer house I watched on youtube a couple of weeks ago. Its ridiculous. But I’ll allow it.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Where’s the hockey rink…oh, it’s inside…jeebus

          • Finn Bonzalez

            So it’s the Paint can and then this humble shack in Canada?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            no he has giant house in the burgh too.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Fap fap fap fap fap

          • The Ungaba

            (fap fap fap fap fap) – in echo through the halls

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            PHF- “My 401k couldn’t even fit in there…”

          • The Ungaba

            #TBT

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            So, are we for, or against, having a 401k? What if it’s embarrassingly small and you have no idea how it works?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            then you are me!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Also, 401k=good, just doan go bragging about the healthy/size/girth of it, it’s the blawg equivalent of having a giant lifted truck, you must be compensating for something.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Into the 46 car garage and Cessna hangar.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Wait…where’s PHF to tell us that place is a hovel, and probably doesn’t even have a gym in it?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            ARE WE TWINS SEPARATED AT BIRTH OR SOME SHIZ?!?!?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Are they shirtless with boat drinks? Cause that’s the only bye week update I want.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            LeHair was riding some crazy snow tube slide with his kid, Geno was at a pool somewhere warm 😀

          • Finn Bonzalez

            Are you on da ‘grams?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Ounces or GTFO!

          • Finn Bonzalez

            Instaounces… Saaarry Captain Murika

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            rennaissancegrunt

        • PensPointsYourMom

          or Jake, Dumo or LeBang

    • SouthSideGeno

      This tweet conveys a very important message which WE should all pay attention to….

      AMANDA KESSEL IS HAWT

      • PensPointsYourMom

        Wrong! The message is, Amanda Kessel makes my balls hurt.

        • SouthSideGeno

          you’re not doing it right…(posda tug on the other part)

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I know, but Ung won’t let me watch him and learn, so I guess I’ll just keep flicking the fleshy parts until something happens.

          • The Ungaba
          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
          • PensPointsYourMom

            ok I had to stop after 36 seconds, I don’t think I’ve had a flashback and a panic attack at the same time, and I wasn’t gonna let that video do it.

          • The Ungaba

            This is intriguing to me – let’s explore those feelings some more.

            Do you have folds and/or flaps that you’d like to talk about?

          • SouthSideGeno

            …want pics?

          • The Ungaba

            Fuck you, bitch asshole muthafucka…

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
          • The Ungaba

            Sorry, I was paraphrasing…. stupid dumb muthafukkin bitch

          • SouthSideGeno

            Ok…settle dahn…I’ll send them to yer ‘privates’ email…no one else has to know bout us ; )

          • The Ungaba

            I was just passing along some of the lyrics to your favorite new song…

          • SouthSideGeno

            I was just trying to get you horny

          • The Ungaba

            Mission ACCOMPLISHED!

            Gotta go clean up…

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
          • The Ungaba

            CHEEZE WHIZ IS NOT FOOD!!!

            Hell, they’re not even allowed to put ‘cheese’ in the name – that should tell you all you need to know right there!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            It is food… “Processed Cheese Food” it’s right in the description! 😀

          • SouthSideGeno

            TELL THAT TO MY 1AM BOWL OF FRITOS SCOOPS MUTHAFAAKAH

          • SouthSideGeno

            pissing my pants right now…thanks terryflapholdyfold…you piece of shit LOL

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I’m gonna go… take you to food… it’s gonna be a night out… gonna be a real fancy time!

          • SouthSideGeno

            I’ll be replaying that all day

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Musically, it’s a legitimately fun song. Sounds kinda like Yoshimi-era Flaming Lips

          • SouthSideGeno

            I give it an 8.7 cause I can foldyhold my terryflap and fap to it

          • The Ungaba

            Sleve, do you take hallucinogens every day, or just every other day?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Never have, no need! My braimb is a sea of wonders allatime, erreytime!!!

          • The Ungaba
          • SouthSideGeno

            BROTHA FROM NUTHA MUTHA…smoooothch hug

    • The Ungaba

      First and foremost, that’s the longest I’ve ever heard Phil speak and be 100% serious. That’s a little weird, but it sure made me pay close attention to what he was saying.

      Second, that’s the first time I’ve seen footage of Phil working out. It’s one of those things that you know has to happen, but do you REALLY know unless you see it????

      What a great family. What a great dude. I love that man.

        • The Ungaba

          Do you think his single nut is on the left or the right of the seat in that pic?

          • SouthSideGeno

            just one really big one now…smack dab in the middle…like a golf ball on a tee

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            If I only had one left, I would never let it out of the house.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            If my experience with bike seats is any indication, it is firmly inside his rectum.

          • The Ungaba

            That seems like a pretty safe place to keep it, really.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            #doginabathtub #buttball

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          Phil is a high resistance, low reps kinda guy XD

          • SouthSideGeno

            I threw out my hip just watching this video…guy’s a friggen manster!

    • The Andy Pepperqvist
  • Finn Bonzalez

    Weird to hear the Chinese national anthem in a non-international hawkey game…

  • Great read DF, as always. There’s only two humans on this list which we would get any half-decent return, and those human beans are Sprong and Letang. No one is in dire need for Cole or Rust or Dumo, etc.

    Though as the days go on I think it’s more likely we won’t have any trades at all

    • PensPointsYourMom

      Dumo would fetch a good price, but GMJR won’t trade him. Rust will not return what he’s worth to the team. Read this morning that the Isles might have interest in Cole because their blue line is banged up. I could see that, but I doubt they’d give up much to get him.

      • Not sure I agree re: Dumo (though I like him), depends what you mean by “a good price”

        • PensPointsYourMom

          high pick (2nd) and an bottom six F, or the same pick and two prospects.

          • I kind of agree with that but don’t think it’s a good price, lol

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Its not worth it, the pens need Dumo, not those other things. Hence he won’t get traded.

          • The Ungaba

            Also he can chug 3 beers at once and that’s not a common skill.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I wonder if that’s part of the developmental regimen in WB/S now.

          • SouthSideGeno

            It started when Kessel and Schultz got here

          • SouthSideGeno

            I doan presume to know when or for what GMJR will pull that trigger…I just know he will.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Yeah, he doan like standing on Pat… but who knows.
            I put the odds at 75-25 he makes a move. Based on absolutely nothing.

          • SouthSideGeno

            *fancyboistats

    • SouthSideGeno
  • The Ungaba

    Oh dear baby lord jeezus, nhl.com is publishing crap from Madden now:

    https://www.nhl.com/penguins/news/crosby-finds-chemistry-with-simon-and-sprong/c-294811548

    • SouthSideGeno

      It is the end times after all…and I just joined FreedonFromReligion.org
      *foreheadslap

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Fem Dom from derision?

          • The Ungaba

            Help me, Andy. Help me not engage today. I am already sliding down the slippery slope…

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
          • SouthSideGeno

            make it soooooo #2

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            turn off computer. Return in 45 minutes.

          • The Ungaba

            Quality advice, but I will 100% be ignoring it.

            I’ma go make a reuben sammie instead.

            nom nom nom nom nom

          • SouthSideGeno

            Doan forget to ‘whiz’ on it….cheese boi

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            What are you trying not to engage with? My silly joke about Geno’s spelling error in that URL involving a hilarious photoshop of Trump? Are you that easily triggered? Is you am a millenialz?

          • The Ungaba

            Just don’t wanna talk Trump at all, really.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Noone is…just funnin…easy there flow fella…luv of my life

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            ok cool, I’m dahn wit dat *SUPER FRIENDSHIP HIGH FIVE*

          • SouthSideGeno

            MANTIDDAY BUMPS

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            SLAP DOZE FLAPS!!!

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Maybe the “Mass Murderer Che Guevara was a great guy sans that ugly beard….” comment. Maybe.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I literally did not say anything like that. I just made a joke about his terrible beard. Jebus…

          • The Ungaba

            Nah, I figured he wasn’t serious about that. Though it was a close thing…

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I know. I triggered it out pretty quickly.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Was it a spelling error? Or was it on PORPOISE?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Dolphinately intentional.

          • My favorite thing about yesterday, aside from every single thing, was when PHF insinuated myself and PPYM get insulted too easily, even though he literally ran away for months because he was insulted about something

          • He was insulted for good reason. Just bad timing to insinuate something like that

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            ok cool, we can keep dumping on PHF then… PHEW! 😀

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I don’t think he insinuated I am insulted too easily. I think he called me a stupid asshole, and implied that I’m poor.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Whoa, doan get so easily offended! XD

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            That’s not efficient- “poor, stupid asshole” works way better.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            so he’s poor and his asshole is stupid? that sucks…

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I’m too poor and stupid to be an efficient asshole.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I’m just saying he could have worded it better. You don’t get a fat 401k by wasting keystrokes.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Actually… based on my experience with executive level personel… that’s exactly how you get a fat 401k… XD

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Illusion of working?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Appearance of importance?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            1. He didn’t say I was poor, he did say I was an asshole, so I can’t use the same verb.
            2. blah blah, fat strokes, is all I see.

          • Later on he commented something about something and said something like “no im not insulting you brendan and ppym lols” or something. I clearly don’t remember. or something.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Don’t drag me into that shit…

          • SouthSideGeno

            Well…ummmm…that first part thou : D

        • SouthSideGeno
          • The Ungaba

            John Banaczak, or however you spell it… Ex Steeler!

          • SouthSideGeno

            nope…Matusak…ex-Raider

          • The Ungaba

            Whoops, I stand corrected!

          • SouthSideGeno

            S’ok…I just learned that was him who played Sloth about 6 months ago

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Also, is this song about PHF? And should I stop referencing PHF? It’s just too fun…

          • SouthSideGeno

            NO FRK PHF…He’s afraid to fight me…school parking lot 3:15..NY PUSSYBOI

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Oooooo… you guys should fight on the Amtrak… just try to get on one that doan derail!

      • The Ungaba

        boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  • JakeHK

    Still loling from letang being an all star

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      They don’t play D in the ASG, so it makes sense to me. He’s a perfect choice.

      • SouthSideGeno

        funny, true, sad

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        yeah, throw 3 F out there and see what happens!!!

  • Finn Bonzalez
    • what is this movie that yinz all keep pulling these gifs from

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        Drinking Buddies 2: Still Drinkin’?

      • I’ve never seen Godfather. Is this Godfather?

        • Finn Bonzalez

          This is Godfather III

        • PensPointsYourMom

          …yes

      • Finn Bonzalez

        It’s from the sitcom New Girl.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      I missed the whole explanation behind this old asian man thing, but I still love it.

      • an old asian guy jerked off to me last weekend

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          OH GAWD WHY DID I IMPLY I WANTED AN EXPLANATION…

          ok… i’m gonna need moar details…

          • it was the “featured comment” like five days back, if that helps

          • SouthSideGeno

            …on GRINDER

          • Finn Bonzalez

            So I’m in an airbnb in Toronto right now, amazing apartment complex with a hot tub and pool.

            I’m in the changing room and see three showers.

            shower 1 is in use
            shower 2 has no curtain
            shower 3 is broken

            So I rinse off in the curtainless shower. But not before a short “You’re not in 8th grade anymore, you have somewhat hit puberty by now, no one will laugh at your naked body, you have a beautiful wife” peptalk

            Finally I take the plunge and change/shower in the nude with no curtain.

            Then I hear grunting. Lots of grunting and weird hissing noises. Honestly it kind of sounded like someone was being attacked by a grunting snake.

            I turn around to see the curtain half pulled in shower 1, behind it, an old asian male (could be George Takei’s twin) is jerking off. That’s my night. Hello

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            See, no one laughed at your naked body!

          • Right? Given the alternatives, I’d rather have Takei staring at me making noises and rubbing himself than have a group of teenage boys come in and…

            http://theawesomedaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/george-costanza-quotes-21-1.jpg

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Yeah, look on the… somewhat dim but not too dark… side?

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Lol he “Louie CK’d” him. #brentoo

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Your social anxiety seems reasonable if these types of experiences can happen to you.

          • If only you knew some of the stories from my high school days. I use to be so small/thin, I got picked on relentlessly. One building block of my anxiety:

            We had this old school gym teacher who sort of looks like Trotz.. He comes in one day and says “Alright boys listen up” (all male Catholic school) “Our exercise for today, no pushups or jumping jacks. We’re going to take turns turns carrying brendan from one side of the gym and back.”

            I’m not sure what exercise I got out of that

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            All gym teachers look like Trotz.

          • Finn Bonzalez
          • SouthSideGeno

            WE should get together and find those assmunkiez and KILL THEM ALL.

            I had a gym teacher like that who used to pick on this lil skinny quiet brainiack kid Eric somebody or other, who never bothered anybody…I hated that guy…Mr Fischer…wrestling coach, full time prick. I’d still like to tear his limbs off and beat him with them.

          • That was the one cool thing about being small and picked on. I could pretend like I was smart. Man, I’m dumb as a bag of dumb things.

          • SouthSideGeno

            NOPE. YER MIGHTY BLAWGMUNGUS…BE LOUD AND PROUD

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4dfa273df8c4b24c90474faedb899b12dbcbc5022c8029de510a618d2a0ea6a5.gif

            Let’s go find that guy and strap him to Sleves front truck bumper and drive around in the wilderness until we find something kuhl to crash into

          • “THE” j-b0t

            What do you mean? You’ve been carrying that weight on your shoulders your whole life since then, and look how much you’ve hulked up!

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I need to know what happened after this.

          • I went to the elevator and told my wife, we flew home, I realized I don’t have my swimming trunks. Meaning I left them there in the locker room.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Well we know who has the trunks now.

          • Oh my

          • Finn Bonzalez

            Now I’m thinking about this… NSFW maybe
            https://youtu.be/wY0o9uy2IUY

          • SouthSideGeno

            OH JEEBUS…you THINK …MAYBE???
            hahaha omg…HIS NAME IS …MOONIE…hahaha

            Not enough…pweese

          • “THE” j-b0t

            WE FOUND HIM

          • Finn Bonzalez

            The mask has been through a lot. Or a lot has been through the mask.

          • SouthSideGeno

            I’m sure Mr Miagi will keep those foreva…that was sweet of you to leave him a souvenir.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            But wasn’t there a dry-off period? Did you just run away immediately?

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Ooh! one key element of the story I missed: was this a pre-swim rinsing? Or post?

            Please be pre. Please be pre. Please be pre. Please be pre…

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Plenty of “pre” already in this story. Wink wink.

          • I had a pre-swim get naked pep talk as well, but this happened post.

          • THEcwfutureboy

            I’m sure he made it a point to dry off super slowly while staring the old dude in the eyes to let him know who the alpha dog is.

          • SouthSideGeno

            ..meeeeoooow

          • This happened more or less when I was drying off. I didn’t necessarily “run away”, I actually paused for a moment and thought “this is going to be a hilarious story”

    • “THE” j-b0t

      This is my new favorite thing on this blog.

    • SouthSideGeno

      HEY…I did that yesterday…copyFin

  • The Andy Pepperqvist

    Holy crap……it’s 60 degrees outside.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      I need to go wash my truck… it’s 69% salt at this point!

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        Mine looks like the rim of a margarita glass.

      • SouthSideGeno

        I’ma leave my Pony out in the rain tomorrow and let that beotch GAWD wash it fer me

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          I gotta hose out my undercarriage at least…

          • SouthSideGeno

            Truck Bidet

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            what does it say about me that I have a very old, small, but also lifted truck?

          • SouthSideGeno

            If it’s a Toyota with the -ota letters scraped off on the bed door…yer kuhl.
            If not…then yer havin way too much sex with wild animals.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I think it basically says “T ota”…?

          • SouthSideGeno

            The Deer are getting nervous…

  • Midnight Rider

    Gotta appreciate Chel scheduling:

    5 day mandatory bye week (ostensibly to show they are “concerned about players’ health” in future concussion lawsuits),

    Immediately followed by a back-to-back (at least they’re both home games),

    Then 2 days off to travel to Cali for, you guessed it, another back-to-back, and 3 games in 4 days.

    In total, that’s 5 games in 7 days, with travel to Cali and back. But at least Chel gave them 5 days off, right?

  • happyrobot

    So, potential that Vegas might have to change its name, colors, and uniforms in the future

    http://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/22042757/army-files-challenge-vegas-golden-knights-name

    • “THE” j-b0t

      Too fucking beautiful.

      • SouthSideGeno

        Has a nameless team eva won the cup? Cause they just might…

        • Midnight Rider

          Pens in 3, Meesh.

    • SouthSideGeno
    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      Such bullshit. I doubt the legal reasoning will hold up. The guy is trying to give a nod to his heritage, and this doesn’t damage their reputation and it can’t hurt them financially, as they are a division of the government. Without being able to prove damages, I’m not sure there is a case.

      The Army sucks.

      • “THE” j-b0t

        Vegas should just take this chance as a mulligan to change the team name and uniform and logo to something that isn’t complete shit.

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          That’s entirely reasonable, but Vegas actually stands to suffer damages of their own if they change names and color schemes.

      • SouthSideGeno

        Air Force is the only way to fly.

    • The66thDopefish

      On a long enough timeline, every team will change its name, colors, and uniforms.

      • happyrobot

        Touche

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    BREAKIN’ NUDES!!!
    Pizza is pretty great.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      Addendum:
      The local pizza spot I can walk to used to hand-toss their crust, and now they have a fancy crust-spreader machine. It’s just not the same. It’s still pretty great though…

  • The66thDopefish

    Just a little insight into the process: the top and bottom thirds of this list were more or less set in stone from the get-go, but I had Jarry and Letang switched and I was more bullish on Letang being on the block. I still think Letang goes if the right deal comes along, which is more than I can say about pretty much all of the guys in the top half of this list.

    • Midnight Rider

      So you think Cole, Simon, Sheary, and Dumo are the most likely to be traded?

      • The66thDopefish

        Jarry, Sprong, Dumo, Sheary

        • PensPointsYourMom

          …and Cole.

          • The66thDopefish

            Let’s put it this way: pretty much everyone has the potential to be traded, but who is going to get fair value? Cole, probably not. He’s likely to be traded, but you’re talking about an Oleksiak-esque trade where the Penguins get a 4-6 round pick in return at this rate. Is that enough value for a third-pairing D-man?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            As long as the D is healthy, the Pens will trade Cole. There are 8 defenders on the roster, which is too many. If the Pens don’t trade him, they’ll lose him for nothing And I see no indication that they plan re-sign him. So flipping him at the deadline for a 3rd or 4th is totally reasonable, smart even.

            No one else on the Pens roster is likely to be dealt this way – except Horny if the Pens tank, but probably not even then. Cole could also get packaged and sent out with other assets in a bigger deal.

            I think Cole is by far the most likely Pen to get traded, even if its for a bag of pucks.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I think Cole becomes extremely valuable as a rental at the deadline. With the whopping 5 teams that will be sellers, I’m not sure there are a lot of experienced defenseman up for grabs.
            (COUGH SEE DOUG MURRAY TRADE COUGH)

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            CRANKSHAFT!

          • SouthSideGeno

            …anybody named after a car part is TITZ BY ME!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Just call me PCV VALVE!

          • SouthSideGeno

            you got it…CLUTCH

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            No, you’re TUBE SEAL! 😀

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            DIPSTICK.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            nice 😀

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            sorry “The* Dipstick”

          • SouthSideGeno

            You think yer so …slicks : O

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            (Full disclosure, I only know about this thing because I broke one while replacing the valve cover gasket on my ’92 Celica GT.)

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Dough Murray is not a good example to hold because that was just Shero going fucking full retard.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Its similar to Hainsey trade, that just happened to work out better.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Which means somebody will this year, too.

        • Midnight Rider

          Interesting. I don’t know that Dumo is replaceable (or would get fair value, perhaps due to the rest of the defensive roster). I don’t know that Jarry is replaceable either, especially with Murray’s tendency to get injured.

          The more I think about it, the less urgent I think a trade is. An upgrade at 3C would be nice, but the price may be too high.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I think the Pens have very few assets, and the price of a significant 3C upgrade is high – for now. Prices may change, but the Pens assets likely won’t. I haven’t seen anything over the past week, where I thought, “that player is a good deal and fit the pens needs.” GMJR is clearly being patient, which isn’t a bad thing.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Agree Dumo and Jarry are unlikely to move.

          • Midnight Rider

            Dumo is a top-pairing Dman on this roster. Trading a #2 Dman for a 3C isn’t a great return, especially because the Pens would likely have to include other players/picks. Basically, I don’t think other GMs value Dumo as highly as his role dictates (mostly because he doesn’t put up points).

          • PensPointsYourMom

            And in order to trade Jarry, the Pens have to get a goalie back. And they are unlikely to get a goalie as competent for the money. On the other hand, they cannot afford a top tier goalie, and no other team would trade their top tier goalie for Jarry, so why make the trade?

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Couldn’t agree more.

    • SouthSideGeno

      Trade LeBang now while he’s still in one piece…agree

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        Yeah, IF someone is willing to pay what the “WE” think he’s worth. I doubt that happens though, so he stays.
        GMJR does have his ways though… ancient Chinese secrets he spent years mastering at P.F. Changs 😀

  • PensPointsYourMom

    There will be a Pens scout at the TOR/OTT game tonight.

  • The Andy Pepperqvist

    This is a historically bad article, and exactly what I’d expect from ESPN’s hockey coverage. http://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/22025032/nhl-case-toronto-maple-leafs-trading-auston-matthews

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      OH LORT
      Read the title and can’t bear to continue.

      • SouthSideGeno

        100%

    • Midnight Rider

      Rob VolLOLOLOLOLman

      Trying to make ESPN relevant again with this hot taek?

      • The66thDopefish

        Coming tomorrow: The case for the Edmonton Oilers trading Connor McDavid (and with Peter Chiarelli, who knows?)

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          I’d write “The case for not trading generational talents”, but I’m pretty sure nobody from ESPN reads this blog.

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        His logic is that a Lindros trade happened 27 years ago (wut?) and it worked out. I think he’s forgetting about the fact that Eric didn’t want to play in Quebec and there was no salary cap.

        • The66thDopefish

          And that trade worked out way better for Quebec/Colorado

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Almost literally incalculably better.

    • happyrobot

      Maybe the Pens can get him for Ian Cole.

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        and a conditional first, of course.

        • SouthSideGeno

          ….doan forget $$$ retention

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Entry level this year, brah, but I’m sure TOR will retain half of his 8-year/$88 million salary if we ask nicely.

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      I am fitness.

    • THEcwfutureboy

      I want the Phil Phitness App.

  • “THE” j-b0t

    I still stand by Guentzel and Maatta being the most tradable players. I would probably add Rust as the third.

    None of the players in part 3 will get back the value they already give to the team, with maybe the exception of Letang, but his contract makes it all but impossible to deal him.

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      I think it all depends on the return. If player X has one more year on his deal at $5 per, and prospect Y has $1 mil to sit in the press box, a team only needs a little bit of space to acquire him.

      • “THE” j-b0t

        And that team has to not be on Letang’s no-trade list.

        And they have to have players that the Penguins want.

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          I’m not saying it’s easy, but I can see it being plausible. I think Letang will return to form soon, and a trade would be nearsighted. However, in 2 years that contract will probably look terrible, so maybe a trade would be too farsighted. My head hurts.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            If the pens could fleece another team for futures and NHLers I’d be on board with trading Letang. His value will only go down. But as far as the rest of league is concerned, I don’t think he has a ton of value, esp. with his injury history. Trading Letang for a bag of pucks would be dumb, even if his contract will be terrible in 2 years.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Completely agree. I think you have to see how he plays the second half and decide his future during the offseason. Lucky, teams tend to value FOUR-time All-Stars.

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Here’s my trade list, ranked from most likely to least likely to be moved, including consideration of the market for the players:

    Cole, Simon, Maatta, Hunwick, Rudeweasel, Rust(assumes healthy), Sheary, Sprong, Reaves, Sheahan Oleksiak, Knuckles, Hags, Hornqvist, Jake, Schultz, Phil, Dumo, Jarry, Letang, Murray, Geno, Sid

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      if Hornqvist isn’t signed by the trade deadline, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him dealt. He’d fetch a killer return and hasn’t been real noticeable since the Simon/Sprong call-ups.

      • “THE” j-b0t

        Whatever you say, Jason Irving.

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Honestly, the “lose him for nothing” concern has to come into play, right?

          • “THE” j-b0t

            If you love it, let it go.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            The pens will almost certainly resign him, but probably in the offseason. The only way I see him moving is if the pens completely shit the bed in the next 6 weeks. Then I can see him pulling a Winnik and getting traded, then re-signing with the pens next year anyway.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            The only way I think he doesn’t re-sign is if he wants a shit load of money and term. And he doesn’t strike me as that guy. He’s making 4.25 now. 5.5-6 would be a totally reasonable and doable price for him for 3ish years. But if he wants 7 for 5, yeah he should move on. But like I said, he doesn’t seem like that kind of guy.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            That’s exactly what I was thinking. I’m sure the team has gauged his interest in returning. If there’s even a chance, he won’t be traded.

      • SouthSideGeno

        No way Sgt Pepperqvist…he’s the onlyiest guy on the team with the bawls to get to the paint…I say he ain’t (getting traded)

    • The66thDopefish

      I’m still shocked Maatta is so high on some people’s trade lists. What kind of return would you ask for on him?

      • PensPointsYourMom

        What Maatta’s worth is is not the only question though. The pens have a glut of defenders. And if they are going to make a “big” move salary is going to have to go out. As much as we’d love for that to be Hags, Hags doesn’t have much value. On the other hand, Maatta is top 4 D man, with a little offensive upside, signed to a manageable contract with term. He would be attractive to other teams, they know what they’re getting.

        To your question, I don’t think Maatta gets moved unless its in a “big” deal. Like Maatta, ++ for RNH. But trading him for a high calibre 3C is totally within the realm of reasonableness. In fact I might argue that if the Pens are going out to get a high calibre 3C Maatta is the best trade piece they have (because of the salary balance.)

        • The66thDopefish

          “Little offensive upside”? How much offense would you like from your #3 D-man?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            “a little” offensive upside…meaning he scores some goals and gets some assists, but he’s not an “offensive defenseman” in the vein of Letang, Schultz, Karlsson, etc.

          • The66thDopefish

            His peer, Trouba, has 0.05 points per game more than him. Schultz also has 0.05 ppg more than Maatta. Aaron Ekblad has 0.05 points per game less than him. I’m not sure what you’re looking for here.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            He has 3 goals and 13 pts this season, that places him in the mid-sixties and mid-seventies respectively of all Dmen this year. That’s better than being in the 100s, definitely not top 25 offensive Dmen, or even top 50.

            If you want to call Olli Maatta an offensive defenseman, I’m not going to stop you, but his offensive contributions are not his primary assets, and I doubt many GM’s would bring him on in that role, with that billing.

          • The66thDopefish

            So you’re not satisfied with our #3 defenseman being paid the third-most on the team and producing like a #3 defenseman? I’m still missing something!

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I literally didn’t say ANY of those things. The topic was “likely vs unlikely to get moved.”

            I like Maatta ok. I think he’s having a better year than the past few years. In fact, he’s having the best year since his rookie. Which is why he’s valuable in the trade market. You’ve gotta give to get, and if GMJR wants to get any player that costs more than about 1.5 million a year, he’s going to have to move salary out.

            I think Maatta is likely the most attractive (to other teams) piece with have, who also carries salary (Jake and Sprong do not carry salary.) So it stands to reason that if the Pens are going to get a player with a significant cap hit, they will move out a player with a significant cap hit.

            This is not now, nor was it ever a referendum on Maatta’s play, it was a discussion about trades and who is more or less likely to move. In fact, the reason I think he’s attractive to other teams is because he has been playing well.

          • The66thDopefish

            I agree that Maatta is probably the most attractive piece the Penguins have, but I think that’s the reason to keep him.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I have no quarrel with that.

          • SouthSideGeno

            I think the moast attractive piece the Pens have is Haglien…when he puts on those 9″ Manolo Blahnik balck satin pumps….jeebus those calvs drive me friggen wild

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Yeah but LeBang has got mystique….like its a mystery which hole he’s gonna stick it in.

          • The Ungaba

            Most chicks give him his choice…

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Welp. Rob Klinkhammer made the Canadian Olympic team….so its the end times. Nice knowing you all. Imma go prepare for eternal damnation…

    https://twitter.com/frank_seravalli/status/951502385045737473

  • Finn Bonzalez
    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      I’m done with the themes now. No need to make going to an NHL game more exciting for me.

      • Finn Bonzalez

        I think seeing Brotash in a costume is enough of a reason for a theme night.

      • SouthSideGeno

        Me too…sarrry to pee on yer parade FIN butt frk the themes…start a winning streak if you wanna fill seats.

        #2cupsandstillnotsatisfied

        • Finn Bonzalez

          Penguins are currently on a two season winning streak.

          • SouthSideGeno

            TRADE ERREY

          • Finn Bonzalez

            You must’ve missed Errey in the first volume of Doper’s books.

        • The Ungaba

          GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

          You grumpy old goat, just shut yur pie hole and enjoy the damn show.

    • The Ungaba

      Seeing Reaves as Slash is all that was required, honestly. Anything else is icing on the cake.

  • The Ungaba
    • The Ungaba
    • SouthSideGeno

      “I’m not impress” pfft…
      SofffffSideJeanu pfft…

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      12 years. I had to read that about 5 times to believe it.

    • “THE” j-b0t

      One of the greatest video clips in the history of ever.

    • Penguin in Houston

      Wow! Lot of mouth farts

  • SouthSideGeno

    I. HAD. TO.

    https://youtu.be/-E1Q_ENSxhc

    “U sone of a bithh”

    • UlfSammySon

      WTF is this? It’s not funny.

      • SouthSideGeno

        I gotta couple of terryfold flaps
        I got a flappy foldy flap
        I’m gonna go take you to food
        Gonna eat, then we’re going to the terryfold dance (dance)
        You and me
        We’re gonna go to the terryfold place
        It’s gonna be a night out
        Gonna have a real fancy time
        Hoo!

        • UlfSammySon
          • SouthSideGeno

            HMMMPH! Sleve loves me…RIGHT SLEVE?

          • UlfSammySon

            I love ya Unk, but that shit just ain’t funny 😉

          • SouthSideGeno

            : (

            *pubicallydisgraced

          • PensPointsYourMom

            the remix trips me out way less though.

          • UlfSammySon

            It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not drunk yet.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            You’re not funny and your Chrimbus cars was DUM! (jk, I love it)

          • SouthSideGeno

            TELL EM SLEVERINO : D

          • UlfSammySon

            I LOVE YOU GUYS I’M SORRY I THINK DIFFERENTLY WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL

          • SouthSideGeno

            I’ll hold yer terryflap foldyholds…anytime <3

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        It’s from Rick & Morty BTW

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Would anyone take Vanek if he was available for negligible returns?

    • The Ungaba

      no

    • SouthSideGeno

      Xanax make me sleepy…I’d rather take Ritalin…or Adderall…is he available : /

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      Absolutely.

      • SouthSideGeno

        WUT? no…kamon

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Find me another rental on pace for 23-32-55 (on a bottom-3 team, no less) for under $2 million.

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Probably pick(s). He’s on a one year deal.

          • SouthSideGeno

            OK…I’m in…do it.

    • Midnight Rider

      Yes. Boxcar stats on the Canucks 12-17-29. He was a rental with Florida and put up 2-8-10 in 20 games (15-23-38 in 48 games with Detroit before the trade). Plus he might be hungry for a Cup. Seems like a useful bottom 6 upgrade.

      • What a record! I’d take this for our TOP six, even!

        • Midnight Rider

          Now you’re on a crusade to prove goals, assists, and points are meaningless stats?

          • Stanley Cups are a meaningless stat and players don’t make the teams.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Butt you frken want another one…DOAN YOU?

            ….RAD hater : /

          • If yinz want another Christmas (ITS CHRISTMAS IN THIS HOUSE) bonus I’d shut yr trap!

          • SouthSideGeno

            : P
            You doan scare me…*hides in swimming pool shower stall

          • I root for logos and colors and whoever gets in the most fights

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Thats a good plan…you should also consider “most likely to pull their pud to your naked body in the shower.”

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Hey Bren, just because that guy jerked off to you once, is no indication he’ll ever jerk off to you again. Does that sting a little?

          • Midnight Rider

            It is an indication that he’s probably sniffing your swimming trunks nightly, however.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            They probably just smell like hispaste now.

          • I’m gunna be honest, I saw him from the chest up, so it’s very possible he was just like… uh.. polishing a.. thing?

          • Midnight Rider

            Were there ducks in that shower? He could’ve been feeding them.

          • SouthSideGeno

            …brought his living room lamp in to clean it up a lil bit, yuh…entirely plausible

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            While grunting.

          • Midnight Rider

            And wanking it to Bren.

          • SouthSideGeno

            #elbowgreasepaste

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            That’s EXACTLY what he was doing.

          • Finn Bonzalez

            The good old ‘polished the lamp until a genie came out’?

          • Nolongermyrealname91
          • Nolongermyrealname91
          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Maybe he was having a stroke or something and desperately trying to ask for help but was unable to do anything but make grunts and wheezes…

          • Midnight Rider

            Winning the regular season is much more difficult, after all.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            of course they are, the fact that a player has scored goals doesn’t mean he will score any more.

          • SouthSideGeno

            …Crosby for example : O

  • Nolongermyrealname91

    My comment isn’t showing: I’m fantasizing about a Letang/Sheary for a Strome/Russell deal from Edmonton. I like Strome because of his small cap hit. If we have room though we can maybe shoot for a Letestu comeback or even RNH if we don’t want a D in return.

    Edit: also with Edmonton severely under-performing, they may shake it up.

    • I’d rather trade Maatta away (sorry EVERYONE) for his brother, Dylan Strome. I want some goddamn Otters alumni in our roster, and he’s mega talented.

      • Finn Bonzalez

        How would he help?
        Except maybe WBS to win the Calder Cup…

      • Nolongermyrealname91

        reason as to why you’d rather ship Maata over Letang?

        • Because I dont think Letang would be something ARI wants right now, they’re getting scored on a lot, they generally need better defense

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Its hard for me to imagine ARZ is not on Letang’s no-no list.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            “Der Jimmy Rudderford, I will accept trade from Pittburg Penguin to following team:”
            1. Montreal
            2. Montreal
            3. Montreal
            4. Montreal
            5. Montreal
            6. Montreal

            16. Montreal

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Yeah, pretty much. and
            7. WSH
            8. PHI
            9. CBJ
            (cause I know you won’t trade me there anyway)

          • Nolongermyrealname91

            When I think of better defense, Letang doesn’t come to mind. But I get your reasoning and I think if that were a consideration AZ might be dumb enough.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Letang on AZ makes them significantly better.

          • Nolongermyrealname91

            Better offensively or defensively? If AZ got Maata they’d be better defensively. If they got Letang, offensively

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Just better. They would be a better team with Letang. He would easily be better than anyone on their blueline, sans OEL.

          • Nolongermyrealname91

            They cannot give us anyone in return that would fill the void we need filled.

            *Zac Rinaldo* Never mind done deal

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            That’s probably true. I think we’re undervaluing Letang’s career because he has been uncharacteristically bad defensively this season.

          • Nolongermyrealname91

            His value was steady until his health problems, at least in my eyes. If I were a GM he’d be quite a gamble at this point knowing what we know about him.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            No doubt he is. The knock on him is that the Pens can win without him, but when looking at those championship teams, there is no comparison about which one was better. And the only real difference was Letang. The Pens were absolutely dominant in ‘16, traded chances with tons of luck in ‘17.

          • That’s why I said no on Letang for better defense

          • Nolongermyrealname91

            Ah seeing the “don’t” in your response now. DUH

    • Midnight Rider

      Russell? No thank you.

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Oilers GM Peter Chiarelli informed all NHL teams by email today of Anton Slepyshev’s availabilty in a trade. The winger recently became waiver eligible.

    I’d pass. Dude looks like a bust 5G, 9A, 68GP

    • SouthSideGeno

      IDK…look at Perron…he’s a point/game guy now???

      Maybe he’s the ‘puppy’ Russian our ‘big dawg’ Russian needs?

  • SouthSideGeno

    NO FREAKING PENGUIN HAWKEY AGAIN TONIGHT …I need a partial refund from Center Mice

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge
    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      The key of C. Magical, doge.

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    Terrible wonderful awful idea… penis.bidet houseboat weekend at Raystown lake? I’ve been trying to convince any and all of my friend groups to do this, so I full expect to get a bunch of shit for even bringing it up 😀

    • SouthSideGeno

      I LOVE THE REYSTOWN…and btw …those of us ‘in the know’ know it’s actually referred to as “THE Raystown.”

      We used to go there when I was at PSU…and my in-laws live close to Huntingdon.

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        Nice! My pops used to take me, we rented a houseboat once and it’s one of my favorite childhood memories. Reservations are closed, it’s me, Finn and Geno. Things are gonna get so weird… better stock up on therapy vouchers!

        • SouthSideGeno

          I can’t even imagine that UNG won’t wanna come and supervise our ‘activities’ …give him a great opportunity to wear his Bidet Police uniform.

    • Finn Bonzalez

      I just bought the plane tickets. When is it?

    • Finn Bonzalez

      People associated with houseboats (that I know of)=MacGyver

      MacGyver=cool

      I wanna be cool like Mac.

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      Great idea.

    • UlfSammySon

      Super great idea. Post 3-peat MEAT up swimstravaganza!

  • SouthSideGeno

    WTF…
    I just read a thing that quoted ‘Leavin’ Bell as saying he’d possibly be ok with sitting out the 2018 season if the Stillerz doan give him the contract he thinks he deserves. HU?

    STAFU two days before the playoffs start…and oh by the fucking way…go get me a GIANT SILVER FOOTBALL before you start demanding shit. Hey…I get that yer a good football running back in the REGULAR SEASON…prove to me yer durable enough to make it through the REAL SEASON.

    AND STOP MOUTHING OFF BEFORE THE PLAYOFFS…
    #TEAMMORALEBUZZKILLER

    • Penguin in Houston

      Yuh, and stop failing/missing drug tests! Dumbfuq!

  • SouthSideGeno

    Maybe WE should be trying to get a player from one of those “SHITHOLE COUNTRIEZ”

    OMG POTUS

    • The66thDopefish

      Mats Zuccarello probably feels great right about now

      • Penguin in Houston

        Is Norway a shithole? I thought people were pretty happy there.

        • The66thDopefish

          That’s the joke

  • Rad88

    Hey Dope, I haven’t been on much this week but wanted to tell you that all three of these were really well done! Great work

    • UlfSammySon

      Hey! grbhauling@gmail.com is my email address dewd.

      • Rad88

        got it. You can delete this if you want

        • UlfSammySon

          Roger, roger!

  • Penguin in Houston

    Chel app = poop

  • PensPointsYourMom

    My fucking mom (my actual mom) is in FL for the winter. She just sends me an email that’s like “I think I’m gonna go to the All-star game.” Must be nice to be old and retired. Fuck!

    • The Great Bambino

      🙁
      I thought about that too but I no longer know anyone who lives in Tampa.
      Wonder how much tixs are?

      • PensPointsYourMom

        cheapest tix for the 3v3 tournament (3 games) are about 200.

        • The Great Bambino

          200!
          Seriously! That would be worth a plane ticket, mmmmm, but I don’t have any time to go 🙁

          I’d rather save my dough and go to PA for the Stanley cup playoffs 😉

          … go Flyers

    • SouthSideGeno

      Retired…yes…old…mmmmm…not so much…good for her…PensPoints to her!

      • PensPointsYourMom

        my mom is a good bit older than you Unk.

        • SouthSideGeno

          Well then… tripple PensPoints to her!!!

  • The Great Bambino

    Soooo you’re telling me I have enough time to save. Check.

    • Penguin in Houston

      Not gonna happen any time soon, so yuh, plenty of time.

  • SouthSideGeno

    Comblowus and Crapholes both lost…Tampoons…on their way losing 4-1 in the 3rd.

    Maybe we should take a week off more often.

    • PensPointsYourMom

      would have been better for the pens if the craps won. bjs losing to the butt sabres is good tho.

      • SouthSideGeno

        You meant if the Craps won…right?

        • PensPointsYourMom

          yeah i changed it

          • SouthSideGeno

            This friggen site…it never updates on it’s own in rel time unless I click the refresh button…I see it now.

            Could be this ass of an HP laptop that I inherited from my mother-in-law with the worlds WORST wireless card.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            yeah. and dont even get me started on how small discus’ 401k is!

          • Penguin in Houston

            Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling

      • PensPointsYourMom

        the breadman is legit

  • PensPointsYourMom

    for yinz who like brown party liquor but are too poor to drink something else:

    https://twitter.com/KirtJonesBand/status/951632405743521792

    • SouthSideGeno

      PENGUIN JUICE!

    • UlfSammySon

      That’s cool.

    • Big Poppa Vlad

      Beam White Label isn’t bad. its a great mixer! If people knew how many high end bourbons are made by Beam, they would realize how great white label is.

  • UlfSammySon

    I miss hockey. I’ve been playing through all the Mega Man games with my no Penguins time.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65be661af559e82430d4cce4a7adf58ae8296c99482dbd3f8f452cf5b9ccfe4c.gif

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Im watching biathalon qualifiers. Its kind cool, mostly dumb AF.

    • UlfSammySon

      I’m ready for some curling. That shit is therapeutic to watch.

    • Finn Bonzalez

      Because it’s the bi-week?

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Theres a player in this year’s draft named “Jett Woo.”

  • Door_Matt
  • The Great Bambino

    Whoa! wait a damn minute, Kris is going to the all start games over Evgeni! In what world?

  • SouthSideGeno
    • Finn Bonzalez

      Well, woo is it?

      • SouthSideGeno

        Bobson Dugnutt? …nope
        Sleve McDichael? …hu-uh
        Shown Furcotte? …no way

        IT”S JETT WOOOOOOOO …that’s WHOOOOOOO

        • Finn Bonzalez

          Dwigt Rortugal?

          • Big Poppa Vlad

            he has the hair to match his name…

          • SouthSideGeno

            hahaha…yuh, looks like he’s going fast standing still…looks like a cartoon

  • The Ungaba

    The game tomorrow is at 1 PM. So apparently I have to do day drinking. Huh.

    • Finn Bonzalez

      For once a sensible game time.

      • The Ungaba

        So YOU can do night drinking, yay!

    • SouthSideGeno

      FUCK…I have to be out tomorrow.
      Thanks for the heads up UNG WOO

      • The Ungaba

        Hai

        • SouthSideGeno

          Sreep da reg!

          • The Ungaba

            rasssisssssssssssss

          • SouthSideGeno

            Afta dat…sreep da froor

          • Big Poppa Vlad

            just means getting ready for the 1pm Stillers game.. so.. start drinking at 12:30 saturday, stop after the Pens game sunday.. I really don’t see an issue here… just stock up.

  • SouthSideGeno

    Errey single Pen player is STILL a (-) negative with the exception of Schultz(0), Simon(0) & Sprong (2).

    WHEN WILL THIS HELLISH NIGHTMARE END…SKOAR MOAR GOLAS

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      “Win more games” will help with that and lots of other problems.

      • SouthSideGeno

        SHOOT DA PUCK…WOOOOO

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          That stat is stupid. 5-on-5 needs to get better, but PP goals aren’t included in player stats.

          • Big Poppa Vlad

            yup, and the games this week, they are turning it around.. oh wait… fuck, no pens hockey until tomorrow.

  • Islander

    I’m stuck on a closed down highway
    Boring…

    • SouthSideGeno

      wut? where? why?

      • Islander

        Accident, Nova Scotia.

        • SouthSideGeno

          Is there ever gonna be a Super Nova Scotia?

          • Islander

            It already Is!

          • SouthSideGeno

            Please tell me you’re driving a Chevy Nova in Scotia?

          • Islander

            I’m not a Chevy guy aha

          • SouthSideGeno

            Good luck getting to where you’re going.

          • Islander
          • SouthSideGeno

            Faaaaaahk…better reschedule that 10 o’clock meeting…sarry bub

          • UlfSammySon

            Look at that. Nobody trying to be a jag and fly up the other lane. Canada is truly the land of kindness.

          • Did you know that’s a zipper merge and it’s actually more effective at eliminating traffic?

            Not that I’ve ever done it, but since learning about it I’ve been tempted

          • SouthSideGeno

            I was gonna say the same thing…I always try to merge at the zipper

          • UlfSammySon

            Uhhhh yeah, but you’re counting on people actually alternating turns and letting each other in.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Are you saying that you wouldn’t?

          • UlfSammySon

            I always let people in. I’m never in a rush.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Good Ulfy…me too…even if I am in a hurry…if nothing else…can’t risk scratching the Pony ; )

          • Islander

            It works sometimes, especially when you honk and give the middle finger

          • I have faith in humanity, I thought you did too, or do you just DRIVE AROUND ON GO KARTS PRETENDING TO

          • Islander

            You have faith in humanity?

          • UlfSammySon

            Wednesday nights 6-10 pm $50 all you can drive.

            This message brought to you by Steel City Indoor Karting.

          • Is that the place by Monroeville? My friends been trying to get me to go there

          • UlfSammySon

            Yep, its out behind the mall. So much fun. Those buggers are fast!!

            I’d be down to go sometime so holla if ya’ll roll out there. We can zipper merge all night.

          • We should all get together and practice traffic jam emulations

          • MoonStanley

            “Hey man, can I merge in front of ya?”

            “NO MEANS NO! NO MEANS NO! NO MEANS NO!”

          • UlfSammySon

            That sounds great. Safety is thrilling.

          • SouthSideGeno

            I’d go with ya…We have them out here too…great fun.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I try to explain this to everyone it ever comes up with and you would be surprised (or probably not) on how many people think that’s not true and that I’m an a-hole for staying in my lane to the merge point. They seriously should start putting up signs “STAY IN LANE TO MERGE POINT” or whatever.

          • Door_Matt

            The zipper merge is fine, we use them a lot in CA. Problem is the jagoffs that try to gain an extra car length and zoom past the merge point.

          • Islander

            Some are doing it now, the fuckers.

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Yall got cars?

          • Islander

            No their hover craft

        • Finn Bonzalez

          I doan think Sid is there now. He’s back in Pittsburgh already.

    • PensPointsYourMom
  • Big Poppa Vlad

    I know its a hockey blog and I am going to catch hell for this, but it made me giggle… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/14e213943a51afe938c3cb3850c767e5a0a0f2f3698bf3022f313907e53abf96.jpg

    • SouthSideGeno

      Meh…it’s a shithole country anyway, eh?

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        Gotdam you guys like your unnamed sources. Haha.

        • SouthSideGeno

          Oh right..haha…go ahead and try to make me believe that you believe he DIDN’T say it.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5eaf5b38663aed3f4b01a40baa46a34e633bc2e0c50c13f3e13bc25aec34a87b.jpg

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I would be speculating. Difference is, I know I am.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Valiant effort…didn’t work…the guy’s a total POS, always has been always will be

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I appreciate your opinion.

          • SouthSideGeno

            hahaha…I’m sure …I’ll still hold yer terryfoldflaps though…the offer always stands!

          • If we didn’t have tape of him saying “grab women by the pussy” they would pretend it didn’t happen either, but we do have tape so instead it’s just “not a big deal”

        • MoonStanley

          Shithouse* sorry, mein fuhrer

          • If Obama was accused of one tenth of what Trump is accused of doing there is no way any of these people would be giving for sources

          • MoonStanley

            1/100 even

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Lol. Nobody accused Obama of anything, ever. Even with actual evidence. His party owns the media.

          • MoonStanley

            Donnie said he’s from Kenya… a shithouse country

          • Islander

            Is it true Oprah will run?

          • MoonStanley

            I hope not

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Yeah, it would be hard to hear hear the progressive logic required to backtrack their “billionaire tv stars with no political experience shouldn’t be allowed to run for president” argument.

          • SouthSideGeno

            YO…what’s good for the goose…etc. I got no problem with anybody running for office…even you.

          • MoonStanley

            Donnie is more like a twinkle twinkle, little star. He’s nowhere near Oprah anyway. Moot argument

          • MoonStanley

            And he’s not a billionaire

          • SouthSideGeno

            But his 401K is…YOUUUUUUGE

          • MoonStanley

            Hahahaha

          • I didn’t like Trump because of his lengthy rap sheet of being a terrible human and businessman. Before this election almost nobody liked Trump as a person. Because he is a shitty person.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Jimmy Carter was, by all accounts, a good person, but he was a terrible president. I’m not sure any of that matters.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Meh….Camp David Peace accords doan look too bad on the CV.
            Jimmy got screwed by the timing of the gas shortage shiz and the hostage situ…timing is erreything.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            So good with peanuts though…

          • Islander

            Oh all politicians suck, their all greedy and corrupt somehow

          • UlfSammySon

            DING DING DING we have a winner.

            THEY ALL SUCK. THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT US.

          • Islander

            The West needs reform badly

          • SouthSideGeno

            I care about yinz…SOFFF SIDE JEANU 2020

          • SouthSideGeno

            She’ll walk quickly…with that girth I doan think she’s a ‘running’ candidate

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            In that mud, she might not even be walking very well.

          • My boss has a lengthy Facebook status with lots of comments from women all about how I’m a sexist if I don’t take Oprah running for president seriously. I’m too afraid to have any opinion

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Welcome to social media politics.

          • Islander

            Haha

          • UlfSammySon

            Fuck thaaaaaatttttttt. You have your opinion bud, whatever it is.

          • But I don’t know what it is!!!!!

            If it’s that important to have a woman in office I want Tulsi Gabbard. I think.

          • SouthSideGeno

            …with a side order of Warren fries!

          • Warren lost all favor with me when she didn’t stand behind Bernie even though they were practically the same person. Then starts a really obnoxious “hill are ree” chant. I can’t take her seriously anymore

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Lol Bernie.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Frk u you divisive pussy hater…fight me!

          • Door_Matt

            The more I’ve seen of Bernie’s campaign the more he’s starting to lose favor with me. I am appalled that he’s pushing hard on the non-GMO/Organic ticket. It’s worrying that he’s willing to take on that cause without understanding the reality of the issue.

          • UlfSammySon

            It’s important to have the most capable leader we can. Gender or race shouldn’t matter. The problem is that we get stuck choosing between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

          • Door_Matt

            I’ll take an Elizabeth Warren/Tammy Duckworth ticket

          • The Ungaba

            Elizabeth Warren? You’d vote for her?

          • SouthSideGeno

            Noooo…he’s saying he’s like to grab her pussy : /

          • Door_Matt

            Yeah, she’s got her flaws but at least she’s got some sort of fire to call out corrupt practices. I’d probably need to do more research, but I’d imagine I’d agree with most of her positions.

            I’m not a fan of laissez faire government.

          • The Ungaba

            Even knowing all of the foul shit she did to get ahead? Lying about her RACE, ffs?

            I come down on the side that they ALL suck so you try to find the one that sucks the least, regardless of party. She doesn’t meet that criteria for me.

          • Door_Matt

            I really don’t know which one sucks the least but I’m going to stand behind the one I agree with the most.

            That’s another part of doing my research. Do they actually have integrity? I read a little bit about the Warren thing but what I read seemed more smoke than fire.

          • MoonStanley

            At least Oprah would have some compassion about the job. Donnie is just lining his pockets

          • SouthSideGeno

            That Russian nut he’s paying off must be a youuuge bitch

          • Islander

            Be actually lost 100ds of millions. Obama profited millions

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Get your facts out of here.

          • Islander

            It’s true haha

          • Door_Matt

            Gee golly the first black president writes books, who wouldn’t want to read those. I agree you have facts but don’t obscure them to make them look like they imply I’ll-gotten gains…

            https://www.forbes.com/sites/danalexander/2017/01/20/how-barack-obama-has-made-20-million-since-arriving-in-washington/

            Thaaaaaaanks

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Source? Nobody is saying that. Meanwhile, I would like you do research what politics did for Obama and the Clintons.

          • MoonStanley

            1. Bees
            2. Encouraging foreign dignitaries to stay in Trump hotels.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Obama went from having $5 million to over $40 during his presidency. The Clintons left the White House in debt and now have over $100 million. How?

            Trump has lost over $200 mil and doesn’t take a penny in salary from being president.

          • MoonStanley

            The presidential salary is what… 100k?

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            400k

          • MoonStanley

            Find the picture of him so generously donating the first check to the DOI. The look on the rangers face is what is actually happpening. Cut all their funding and then give them a check for like 60k… what a joke

          • Door_Matt

            Because he’s a shitty businessman and also divested much of his wealth due to conflicts of interest?

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Must be that.

          • MoonStanley

            He hasn’t divested nearly as much as he promised. Where are his tax papers?

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            You also have a livelihood to maintain that can be sumbarined by the Thought Police.

          • UlfSammySon

            That’s no job worth having then. Everyone wants to be right and thinks their opinion is the gold standard. At the end of the day we are all just people made up of the same stuff. Why can’t we all work together? Democrat, Republican, man, woman who gives a shit! PEOPLE SHOULD HELP PEOPLE.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Agreed, but that dies when one person fires a “baby killer” or “Nazi” accusation.

          • MoonStanley

            That dies when one person is a nazi or baby killer*

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I tend to think if one person is, it’s kinda stupid to call an entire group that name. Sort of loses its meaning, right?

          • MoonStanley

            Tiki torch bearing, self-appointed nazis. One of them ran someone over with a car. Donnie called them “fine people”

          • The Ungaba

            Or maybe there was more to the story, right? Nah.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I’m reading his actual quote. Said he condemns neo-Nazis, not all the people protesting were extremists (on both sides), media has generalized protesters…. Seems pretty reasonable until I read that someone else said he said.

          • MoonStanley

            HE generalized protesters multiple times

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Actually saying “some” instead of “all” is the opposite of generalization.

          • MoonStanley

            Yeah but that’s not what happened

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I’m reading his quote.

          • MoonStanley

            What about his many other quotes that completely show what an ass he is? You read those?

          • SouthSideGeno

            Oh fer chrissake…there’s always MOAR to the story…fact is he stood up for Nazis and the guy killed someone with his car.

          • The Ungaba

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/520ee75b97865e66eba467090c5bce365ba57cf0a4a989fcc5d34d73f40d7c0d.jpg

            He didn’t stand up for nazis, the media said that he did.

            This is politics by feelings and it’s more dangerous than anything idiot Trump ever utters.

          • SouthSideGeno

            You doan hear words too good.

          • MoonStanley

            Dude didn’t become president and decide to become a good guy. He’s a scumbag, and always has been

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Trump didn’t handle that whole thing well, that we can all agree on right? His basic inability to explain himself makes his words so open to interpretation and so easy to portray as knowing hatefulness while at the same time not really actually saying ANYTHING of substance. It’s maddening, probably for everybody. I blame his uppity private education, which I assume he had, for not teaching him how to use his words, and that there’s a thing called “implication” which he clearly doesn’t understand.

          • The Ungaba

            I agree. And then everyone stuffs their feelings in the gaps in his words and people start freaking out. Emotions rule the day, not facts, and that’s a Big Problem.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            No. He didn’t. He never once said anything positive about that guy or “Nazis”. It’s criminal that people can control minds with out of context quotes and unnamed sources.

          • MoonStanley

            And if Fox Entertainment has an opinion, you can bet that Trump is swayed by it and quickly changes his tune

          • SouthSideGeno

            Go ahead…blame the media for the guy who just broke the 2000 lie/misinformation barrier in a single year.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            ULFIE FOR PREZZIE 20FOREVER!

          • UlfSammySon

            All wwwww.Pens.bidet.hockey.bumwash.com commenters will not have to pay taxes if I win.

          • Door_Matt

            Oprah is just as dangerous as Trump. The amount of bad science and anti-science she’s peddled on her show repeatedly is astounding.

            Can we seriously just get some qualified politicians on each side to run?

            We are seriously living proof of Mike Judge’s prescience…

            http://t.fod4.com/t/23018ada16/c1280x720_50.jpg

          • Islander

            Their not much better, it might look better on paper but the results can be just as disappointing

          • Door_Matt

            They actually are much better because their job depends on staying politicians. Trump and Oprah slink right back to whatever private enterprise they had prior to their foray into politics.

          • Islander

            Well our pm, goes on vacations with billionaires he does business with. Our finance minister is charged with conflict of interest for profiting with his shares.

          • Door_Matt

            You’re Canadian? I don’t know what country you’re from… but that’s unfortunate they abused their power. Most politicians do, but they still have a vested interest to their constituents to an extent because that keeps them relevant to do those sorts of things.

          • Islander

            Yup Canadian… I’m just saying the grass may look greener on the other side, but it’s not that different in the end. Our pm is a charismatic ladies man with a French accent. He gets away with alot more then someone as clumsy with he’s words as Trump.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Oh that’s just standard practice in the US of A, that’s like me saying “I went to work today, checked my email, and took a big dump for half an hour before lunch”, it’s just the way we do things! 😀

          • SouthSideGeno

            THE ROCK?

          • MoonStanley

            VOTE CONFIRMED

          • Door_Matt

            Nope. Good guy, probably a bad choice for a politician.

          • SouthSideGeno
          • UlfSammySon

            You smell what the Rock’s cookin’…?

            Foreign policy changes

          • Door_Matt

            I’m sure he’d agree with me 😛

          • SouthSideGeno

            …when he comes to visit you in yer body cast in yer hospital room

          • Door_Matt

            PEOPLE’S ELBOW FROM THE ROTUNDA MEZZANINE!

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            We don’t want qualified, we want people we “like”.

          • The Ungaba

            “Too afraid to have any opinion”

            Isn’t that horrible that that is where we are in this country? You can’t say what you think because you may be chastised.

            Fucking crazy.

          • Door_Matt
          • SouthSideGeno

            Who sez? You asshole…hahaha

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            We need moar centrist dads to tell us to chill out and compromise. This is not a joke, I’m for serious!

          • Door_Matt

            As much as I love Centrists, they do not make great politicians as they do not enact real change.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Oh no, I just mean literal middle aged men and women going around yelling at everyone to calm the fuq dahn and talk it out 😀

          • SouthSideGeno

            …or rub it out.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Obama owns Rupert Murdoch…erreybody knows that

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            1/3248

  • Finn Bonzalez
  • Finn Bonzalez
  • See what you did, Vlad

    • Islander

      The impaler?

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      Vlad did nothing wrong. Nobody did. Civil discussion shouldn’t make us an uncomfortable as it does.

  • Midnight Rider

    Good morning . . .
    *scrolls* . . .
    Goodbye.

  • The Ungaba

    Finally, some news!

    I ‘hope’ someone is hurt. Like maybe a wee bit hurt or something. Because why else recall another goalie?

    Please no trade.

  • Door_Matt

    Damn it. I have a baby asleep on my chest and my wife is saying her back hurts. Looks like today is the day I get fired…

    • The Ungaba

      That’s the definition of a Personal Day. Take care of that family and eff that job.

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      In all seriousness, be careful with the baby sleeping on your chest.

      • Door_Matt

        Oh I’m not laying down, I’m sitting on the couch. I learned with my first about the perils of laying down to sleep with a baby on your chest. #dadreflexes

  • MoonStanley

    For all the dads out there
    https://youtu.be/C_qsSaEm4sA

    • Door_Matt

      Damn that was a 2-for-1 save. That guy’s wife can’t say shit to him about endangering those kids ever.

      • MoonStanley

        EVER!

        “Babe, get me a beer. I saved the kids 13 years ago.”

    • SouthSideGeno

      2 scoops of sushi…nice save Murray-san!

      • MoonStanley

        Jarry*

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Trade Bait:

    1. Evander Kane – Buffalos Sabres – $5.25 million cap hit.

    2. Mike Green – Detroit Red Wings – $6 million cap hit.

    3. Patrick Maroon – Edmonton Oilers – $1.5 million cap hit.

    4. Mike Hoffman – Ottawa Senators – $5.19 million cap hit.

    5. Max Pacioretty – Montreal Canadiens – $4.5 million cap hit.

    6. Thomas Vanek – Vancouver Canucks – $2 million cap hit.

    7. Alex Galchenyuk – Montreal Canadiens – $4.9 million cap hit.

    8. Erik Gudbranson – Vancouver Canucks – $3.5 million cap hit.

    9. Zack Smith – Ottawa Senators – $3.25 million cap hit.

    10. James Neal – Vegas Golden Knights – $5 million cap hit.

    11. David Perron – Vegas Golden Knights – $3.75 million cap hit.

    12. Ian Cole – Pittsburgh Penguins – $2.1 million cap hit.

    13. Andrew Shaw – Montreal Canadiens – $3.9 million cap hit.

    14. Mark Letestu – Edmonton Oilers – $1.8 million cap hit.

    15. Rick Nash – New York Rangers – $7.8 million cap hit.

    16. Cody Franson – Chicago Blackhawks – $1 million cap hit.

    17. Robin Lehner – Buffalo Sabres – $4 million cap hit.

    18. Dion Phaneuf – Ottawa Senators – $7 million cap hit.

    19. Petr Mrazek – Detroit Red Wings – $4 million cap hit.

    20. Tyson Barrie – Colorado Avalanche – $5.5 million cap hit.

    • Islander

      Mike Hoffman is a steal for what he makes a year

      • PensPointsYourMom

        He’s a good deal for sure.

        • Islander

          Nash, Green and Phaneuf will be hard to trade

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Yeah, they suck.

          • Islander

            Phaneuf is a good 4th guy, maybe Arizona would take in his salary

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I think they are only interested in future pieces.

          • Islander

            Maybe Vegas then

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            Makes sense to me.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            They are all overpaid. But I wouldn’t put it past a team like Colorado who has some space, and is trying to make a run.

    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      Gimme dat Vanek

    • Door_Matt

      Galenychuk is tempting…

      • Islander

        He sucks, damaged goods

        • PensPointsYourMom

          agreed. Plus his name is hard to type.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Gal-Chin-Yuck…. right?

        • Door_Matt

          Look at the Pens track record with damaged goods… Schultz, Daley…

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            My thoughts zactly

          • Finn Bonzalez

            NIEMI

          • Islander

            Yeah but they weren’t habs

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        Agreed, maybe too much monies though… although Montreal might be willing to comply with Immortan Jim…
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/908e3ad919275e6d569bea4a568f910be9f3a5d274e8f6ddcab7f1194664820c.gif

    • PensPointsYourMom

      TOR says their UFAs will be “their own rentals.” So I think its unlikely they’ll deal Bozak. Sorry Phil.

    • PensPointsYourMom

      God. I’m gonna do it, even though I really don’t want to. Letestu is the best fit on that list for the Pens. There I said it….release the Bren-kraken

      • Islander

        Shaw maybe? Some more toughness?

        • PensPointsYourMom

          Reaves and Olesiak have that covered.

      • SouthSideGeno

        OH FRK…I’m putting on my Bren-hip-waders now

        • PensPointsYourMom

          right?!

      • MoonStanley

        Too short! 6’1 min

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        “And then the vindication of the Brendad crashed, like a wave, over the entire Blawg-O-Verse…”

        • PensPointsYourMom

          for the record I was never anti-Letestu, I just thought there were better options. Now it doesn’t appear that there are.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Same here… but we all know Bren is boarderline insufferable when he’s proven right 😀
            LUV U BRENDAD!!!
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b6a670d01dfb59a3248864da90b5bfb8975d305648d46503f13688bd058d5439.gif

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            FWIW, I am pretty much completely insufferable when I’m proven right, so imagine how much an old Asian man would go to town if he saw ME in the shower! 😀

          • SouthSideGeno

            Dahntawn Slevey Tawn….yeaaaaaah baaybee

          • SouthSideGeno

            borderline…yuh…hahaha

          • The Ungaba

            Sure, so we get him and then he comes back and sucks like he did when he left. Cause he ain’t gettin’ on the PP and that’s where he was getting all his points last year.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            So we grind him up and feel his soul to Geno, Sid, and the Phil and move on… what’s the harm? 😀

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Yeah but at least Shero Traded him, so GMJR can be like “wasn’t me kid, I always loved you”

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        He’s got 1 point in his last 13 games and 0 in his last 10. If Pens need offensive depth, I’m not seeing how it would work. Vanek on Guentzel’s wing would immediately improve it and the 1st line can remain in tact. Sheary/Hags can drop to the 4th line, or be dealt.

        • PensPointsYourMom

          1. It allows Jake to move back to wing with Sid or Geno. 2 It keeps Sheahans line in tact. 3. Players slump. 4. I just looked at his stats – Letestu sucks, burn Letestu!

          • The Ungaba

            Edmonton sucks, so…

      • Door_Matt

        SCIENCE!

        • The Ungaba

          Sweet baby jeezus, you were just WAITING for this thing!

          • He’s a powerplay AND penalty kill specialist. We need him. We need 9 of him.

          • The Ungaba

            No, sir. No. 100 times no.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            This is what I imagine you are listening to Bren, while trying to figure out how to clone Letestube…
            https://youtu.be/0-dYltLqTso

        • SouthSideGeno

          HA!

          getting very deep in here now

    • PensPointsYourMom

      Ok, new idea – Zack Smith. He’s signed for 4 more years at 3.25. Which is pretty reasonable. His stats are ok, and he’s defensively sound.

      • Islander

        He’s good, he can be invisible though

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    SSG, can you go easy on the dik rippin’ in FH? I still might wanna have a kid someday… YEESH! Stupid “bye-week” ruining my life…

    • MoonStanley

      I still want your d… efensemen.

    • SouthSideGeno

      Easy Sleve…there’s 3 days to go…yer wimmenz won’t start their lamentation as I drive them before me, until late Sunday night.
      : D

  • Islander

    I’m still stuck!!! I need to pee ffs lol

    • The Ungaba

      Ummm…. stuck where, exactly?

      • Islander

        Under your mom…..accident on the highway, over 2 1/2 hours now

        • The Ungaba

          My mom is in Canada????

        • Finn Bonzalez

          Sometimes even three lanes aren’t enough..

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Icy roads caused an accident on the interstate when I was traveling in Tennessee. Semi drivers went to sleep in their trucks. Accident took 2 hours to clear, but it took 3 more hours for cops to wake up 2 miles of sleeping truckers. Dicks.

          • Islander

            Lol that’s priceless

      • PensPointsYourMom

        in traffic…Islander, get out and pee in the woods.

        • Islander

          I would be in the paper tmrw….

          • PensPointsYourMom

            pee on that too…who cares.

    • Honestly I would U turn into the other lane and just find a different way home

  • The Andy Pepperqvist

    Buffalo just sent 2 roster players to the AHL without an additional call-up. People are assuming a Kane trade will follow.

    • Islander

      If only he wasn’t a dick

      • SouthSideGeno

        Maybe Reaves could ‘handle’ him?

  • The Ungaba
    • The Andy Pepperqvist

      Did this guy immediately head to the showers?

      • PensPointsYourMom

        he doesn’t look Asian to me.

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Pretty popular continent for diving. I’m playing odds.

  • Does any prospect meditator here want a free month of Headspace pro? I have one to give away

    • PensPointsYourMom

      I don’t understand any of the important words in that sentence, so put me down for “maybe?”

      • The Ungaba

        Perfectly stated. I think you and I are definitely in the same generation…

        • Finn Bonzalez

          I have no clue either.

        • A guided meditation app from Andy Puddicombe, a seriously cool former monk. It’s been really useful (along with isolation tanks, because I am Joe Rogan) in my journey overcoming the small stupid things that make me anxious.

          • UlfSammySon

            Isolation tanks are great. Do you go to the one in your neighborhood? I haven’t tried that particular place yet.

            I might be curious to try that Headspace thingymajigger.

          • Yeah I go to Levity up the street. It takes some getting used to from going to “this is kind of boring” to “this is a great chance to meditate for a solid hour with no interruptions, i can’t wait”, plus my skin always feels really great after going to it

          • UlfSammySon

            The first time I went it took a little while to get into the “zone.” I kept moving and bumping into the sides. From the second time on it’s been much easier to get into it. I’ve being going to the place in Shadyside. Pittsburgh Float, but Levity is cheaper and looks nicer from the pics on the website.

          • I still wind up bumping into the side and I’ve gone over a dozen times haha. Sometimes I get so spaced out that I eventually hit the side and I freak myself out “OH SHIT WHERE AM I HOW DO I GET OUT?!”

            The first few times though, both times, I fucking rubbed my eyes inside the tank. Oof

          • UlfSammySon

            Ouch. Salty eyes. I didn’t use the earplugs the first time and got salt water in my ears. After it dried, it felt really weird. Grainy eardrums. All this is reminding me I’m due for a seshhhhh

          • PensPointsYourMom

            all I see is “Puddicombe”

          • SouthSideGeno

            SEX. ERREY. DAY.
            you’ll be right as rain in a month!

  • Islander

    Bob McKenzie: The Sabres are looking for a high draft pick – a first or second pick – and a good prospect for Evander Kane. The rental market hasn’t been defined yet. Also, “If teams aren’t SURE they’ll make playoffs, will they pay for rentals to try to make playoffs?”

    • The66thDopefish

      There are plenty of teams that would pay for a rental to simply make the playoffs.

      • Islander

        I think Boston will go all in

        • The66thDopefish

          That’s one of them!

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Boston is young and will keep improving through the season. A couple moves will either make them incredible or frk it all up.

  • The66thDopefish

    Just finished watching Trump’s remarks on MLK Jr. Not interested in discussing that, but I watched it on NBCNews.com. They have a placeholder animation showing the globe turning and all of it being dark, with the lights of cities illuminating everything. ALL OF THE GLOBE IS DARK, AT THE SAME TIME. This is a major misstep.

    • PensPointsYourMom

      well if you’re in space and the earth is between you and the sun, then the whole globe is dark…But its not a globe its flat. The earth is flat.

      • The66thDopefish

        I lost this argument

      • Rad88

        So is it like flat and we are all on the same side, or is it like a double sided paper and there are people on top and bottom? Are the sides thick like a shoebox or just a few micrometers? We dig down so they have to be thick, so people live on the edges!? Holy shit, I have so many questikns

        • SouthSideGeno

          Our entire Universe exists inside a hairy, black hole…(no Andy, not Oprah’s butt ; )

        • MoonStanley
          • I need to finish this series, so good

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            series of… hallucinogens?

          • MoonStanley

            Looks interesting

          • You referenced it without knowing?!

          • “THE” j-b0t

            What do people think this is, THE INTERNET??!?

          • MoonStanley

            i googed ‘flat earth’ in images lol

          • Terry Pratchett is such a good writer. Almost every sentence is a joke, but also serious. He says “the Earth is flat and being held up by four elephants standing on a turtles back” and from that point on for every single book in the series that’s what the Earth is

          • MoonStanley

            akin to Douglas Adams at all?

          • I’ve only made it half way through Hitchikers but I like Terry Pratchett way more. He makes so many puns throughout all his books and he paints pictures very very well.

          • MoonStanley

            hmmm. Hitchhikers was the last series I’ve read and loved em. i may check Terry out… of the library

          • SouthSideGeno

            Are you watching Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency yet?

          • I dont think I’ve even heard of this?

          • MoonStanley

            Adams book-turned-show that’s supposed to be good

          • SouthSideGeno

            I tried to watch Hitchiker’s …the movie…unwatchable.
            This one however was excellent

          • MoonStanley

            yeah, that book has gotta be hard to make into a movie. the should try again! I’mma watch dat show

          • SouthSideGeno

            I doubledam garunteeee yewl lourve it!

          • SouthSideGeno

            https://www.hulu.com/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency

            Waaaaay better that Hitchiker’s…IMO
            Airs on BBC Murica as well…

          • SouthSideGeno

            I googled hairy black holes…DOAN DO IT AT WORK!

          • MoonStanley

            not a problem for me heh

      • “THE” j-b0t

        I was hanging out with some friends last night, and they were telling me
        about another friend of theirs I didn’t know, saying things like “he’s
        so fucking smart” “he’s a genius” etc.

        And later in the conversation somehow it got brought up “he believes the world is flat”

        And I’m like:

        http://techstory.in/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/giphy.gif

        • The Andy Pepperqvist

          Our standard for “intelligent” has changed. Free thinking DOES NOT EQUAL brilliance.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            I will qualify, that a person can still be intelligent while having misguided beliefs/misconceptions about certain things, but yeah. I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. I just nodded and let the conversation continue on its merry way.

          • I still think it’s just people who want to have fun. Like I used to “believe” in the mothman, and maybe I still do. You know what I mean?

          • SouthSideGeno

            …BRENFOOT LIVES!

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Believing in something that is largely a supposed manifestation of peoples’ perception differences with regards to the experiences they witness, and therefor incapable of being verified one way or another (like God, or mothman, or Kris Letang), is a liiiiiittle bit different than believing in something that is false.

            It would be like saying “I believe elephants are imaginary”.

            But also from the sound of it, this guy is not a “believe in it for funzies” kind of guy.

          • SouthSideGeno

            lol…*Kris LeMothman”

        • happyrobot

          I mean, the people in China aren’t upside down. Clearly, the earth is flat.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Checkmate, NASA!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            more like NOPE-SA!
            AMIRIGHT?!?!?!?

          • “THE” j-b0t

            (NahhhSA)

  • Rad88

    Anyone hear anything about why DeSmith was called up? Seems odd since both goalies were healthy heading into the break.

    • The66thDopefish

      1.) Possible injury
      2.) Possible trade
      3.) Possible trolling us all

      (Nothing official yet)

      • Finn Bonzalez

        Bi-week herbiez?

      • Rad88

        Post Gazette just reported that Murray is out for personal reasons

    • SouthSideGeno

      Cause I have other plans I couldn’t get out of tomorrow afternoon?

      • Rad88

        You plan on killing either Murray or Jarry?

        • SouthSideGeno

          Have you checked on either of them lately today…hmmmmm?

    • Penguin in Houston

      I was wondering the same.

      • SouthSideGeno

        Do we even need a goalie against Detroit? …oh, wait, last time : (

        • Penguin in Houston

          Frk!

    • The Ungaba
      • SouthSideGeno

        Crotch rash?

        • Big Poppa Vlad

          gave his balls one too many tugs…

  • For an oncoming blizzard it sure is beautiful outside

    • SouthSideGeno

      How bad will it be this time?

    • MoonStanley

      i’ve had my windows wide open for 2 days straight in January.

    • The66thDopefish

      Where are you that it’s gonna be a blizzard?

      Lots of wind and rain for us here in WMass. Our windows are open!

      • SouthSideGeno

        Same in NW Philthy…rain ends tomorrow morning and then it’s gonna get really cold …AGAIN : (

        • The Great Bambino

          that nasty white stuff has finally made it to my door step this AM.
          thankful i’m off and curled up on the cough.

          • MoonStanley

            himpaste!

          • The Great Bambino

            cocaine!

          • SouthSideGeno

            I’ll be over in 20 minutes…thanks for assking!

  • MoonStanley

    “Local Pennsylvania polka legend Jan Lewan develops a plan to get rich that shocks his fans and lands him in jail.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/64a6ebb16f3700609882cb41aea281a453d6ecb9eca2cda3282eaca08491f0f4.png

    • Is this real?

      • SouthSideGeno
        • MoonStanley

          Eleanore Ciuba, 87, of Galloway, N.J., and her late husband lost tens
          of thousands of dollars to Lewandowski. She has never forgiven him,
          calling the disgraced bandleader a “dirty rotten b–tard” who doesn’t
          deserve the attention.

          “I don’t know who would be interested in
          that kind of a movie, to tell you the truth, about dealing and stealing
          from people,” said Ciuba, who recalls getting a single, tiny restitution
          check.

          Lewandowski said he’s sorry for the people who lost money. Ever upbeat, he shrugs off his critics.

          “They don’t want to see me happy,” he said, “but I am happy right now.”

          And he’s hoping “The Polka King” will give the genre itself a boost.

          “The ones who care about the polka are old, and they’re not dancing any more,” he said. “Now we need a younger generation.”

          • “THE” j-b0t

            “I don’t know who would be interested in that kind of a movie, to tell you the truth, about dealing and stealing from people”

            I don’t know where she’s been, but people love watching terrible people be terrible to other people.

            I don’t get it myself, but it’s a thing.

          • MoonStanley

            she’s still pure. protect Eleanore

          • SouthSideGeno

            My grand-parents and parents taught me…I can polka my bawls off.
            Not that I ever would. Unless …I was challenged to a POLK-OFF

      • MoonStanley

        yes. just saw him perform on Colbert and had no idea what it was about until I saw this haha

  • SouthSideGeno
  • The Ungaba
    • MoonStanley

      or maybe not good for him :/

      • The Ungaba

        Yes, poor wording on my part. Hope he and his family are OK. I was just trying to say that I’m glad he isn’t hurt and no goalie trade appears to be imminent.

        • MoonStanley
          • I’m really not liking the new season. The last season was awesome though

          • MoonStanley

            crap. I forgot all about that! too much stuff to watch

          • Honestly I think it’s almost as bad as the Mulder-less season so far

          • SouthSideGeno

            HEY!

          • Record that and put it at the end of a Weird Al Polka.. Or anywhere in a CAKE song

          • SouthSideGeno

            Hopi Shopi Hopi HEY!

          • MoonStanley

            Uggggggghhhhhhhhhh

          • This isn’t a spoiler but for one episode Mulder is the narrater the whole episode for no real reason. Everything feels forced and like theyre trying to be Black Mirror but the script isn’t there nor is the acting. They all feel like they’ve “given up” to me. Mulder “running into action” looks about as lazy as lazy can be

          • SouthSideGeno

            *FINGERS IN EARS….NANANANANAN
            Shut up I hate you! NANANANANANANA

          • MoonStanley

            i kinda felt that coming but was hoping for the best. a few good eps is all I ask for.

          • Ditto, I’m crossing my fingers for the MOTW episodes

          • MoonStanley

            my favorite episode hhahha

          • SouthSideGeno

            Their funny ones…were funny

          • MoonStanley

            so bleepin funny

          • MoonStanley
          • SouthSideGeno

            Love that Aussie guy…from the Flight of the Conchords….ya rat-fink

          • MoonStanley

            he had a show on Netflix once upon a time… Short Poppies. It was fantastic.

          • SouthSideGeno

            hmmmm…gonna havt’a look for that one.

          • SouthSideGeno

            NO SPOILERS…recorded it and haven’t watched yet.

          • MoonStanley

            (just joshin)

          • The Ungaba

            As always… 😉

          • Big Poppa Vlad

            the stock look of all women when you ask for head after getting married….

          • SouthSideGeno

            hahaha…

  • MoonStanley

    Jack Black doing polka is better than any #1 “hit”

    • SouthSideGeno

      Not a youuuuge JB fan …butt this role seems tailor maid for him.

      • He’s really good in “Bernie” if you haven’t seen it. Also his role in the X Files wasn’t too bad

        • The Ungaba

          Jack Black is friggin’ hysterical and yinz are all morons if you disagree. Yeah, I said it. Fight me.

          • I feel the way about Jack Black as you feel about Guy Fieri

          • The Ungaba

            You like him and feel the need to defend his honor????

        • SouthSideGeno

          I’ve like him in some things and hated him in others. School of Rock was pretty good.

          • MoonStanley

            Tropic. Thunder.

            … and Jumanji was hilarious!

  • SouthSideGeno

    sniff…ok

  • MoonStanley
    • SouthSideGeno

      I WILL HUNT YOU TIMOTHY!

      • The Great Bambino

        is it a true hacking if the person was still logged in?

        • SouthSideGeno

          It is if Timmy gets holt uf all ma nekkid pitchurz!!!

          • The Great Bambino

            Poor Timmy, the things he has seen.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Jelly?

        • Finn Bonzalez

          Yes. I have watched the first season of Mr. Robot and completed both of the Watch Dogs games so I am more than qualified to answer.

          • MoonStanley

            Identity Confirmed. Whale cum, Fin.

          • THEcwfutureboy

            I played and thoroughly enjoyed WD2. Should I play 1?

          • Finn Bonzalez

            I liked it. It’s been a few years since I played it butt yeah I think it was pretty good.

          • THEcwfutureboy

            Good to know. I can probably pick it up for $5, so that definitely helps the decision-making process as well. 😀

          • Finn Bonzalez

            That’s a good deal. I bought WD2 for like 20 bucks from the PlayStation store sale.

        • MoonStanley
  • Big Poppa Vlad

    Looking back in the comments.. 1. do you guys even have jobs? 🙂 2. I didn’t mean to start a political discussion, I just thought it was a funny meme.. 😛 But in true Ed fashion. I dropped a dime, left and watched a shitstorm happen, lol.. never done THAT before, lol.

  • PensPointsYourMom
    • SouthSideGeno

      Oh boi…fuk.

      Hope erreything works out well…wonder wutz going on.

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    Had soup and salad for lunch and now feel like this…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/371a5f1554c0dcc213e43be05e96764c311142b75cf3048f265510f020ff4372.gif
    I think I is sick 🙁

    • SouthSideGeno

      Oh…we’ve know for some time…

      s’rsly, hope yer feels are better soon budski

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        mmmm… budlightski…

        • SouthSideGeno

          Yer better!

        • The Ungaba

          Budlight is an insult to beer

          • SouthSideGeno

            Dilly

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Of the shitty light american beers, it’s the vastly superior one. I’d fight you if I didn’t think it would involve me vomiting… 😀

          • The Ungaba

            If that is the playing field, I will grudgingly agree with your rightness. And curse me for developing better taste, because it’s all the damn same in the end it just costs more at the beginning.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            This is the conclusion I’ve come to. I still enjoy “good” beer, I just have no qualms or issue with “shithole” beer as well 😀
            Why, just the other night I attended an exclusive event for the first ever release of Troeg’s Nugget Nectar on nitro. It was underwhelming. Just get it on regular old CO2 tap if you see it, and if you can find it from a firkin, let me know and I will drive up to 200mi. It’s VERY good when cask-conditioned. 😀

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Norwegian Beer or GTFO!

          • SouthSideGeno

            NOPE…Belgian or French Kiss yer Grandma

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            They make beer in Norway? I thought they just stole it forcibly from their neighbors across the sea… 😀

          • Midnight Rider

            Weird, I had Nugget Nectar on nitro last year — I would have told you to skip that event XD

    • Finn Bonzalez
      • The Ungaba

        Do NOT hug him too tight!!!!!

        • Finn Bonzalez

          You could have told me this two minutes ago…

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        Yes! They were a great success. Now I await all the bullshiz changes the “important” people will want me to make for “reasons”

  • The Ungaba
    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      “Unless they don’t because there’s obviously something else going on other than luck”

      • SouthSideGeno

        BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          OOOOOOOOOOOOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

      • The Great Bambino

        I agree, something is stinking in Denmark and I fear it may just be fatigue. Possibly lack of imagination or incentive.
        Maybe they are storing their energy or maybe they need something to rally around.

        • PensPointsYourMom

          rotten Danish?

    • PensPointsYourMom

      Phil. Consistent. We all know, or should have known, that Jek’s sh% would come back to earth, its respectable where it is this year.

      • PensPointsYourMom

        Sid, Rust, Hags and Horny are the only players on that list who cause me concern.

      • The Great Bambino

        Quickly read this as: ‘Phil Collins’ and it made me happy

        PS, I love Phil Colllins

        • The Ungaba
        • PensPointsYourMom

          sudio

          • The Ungaba

            Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. HEAD!!!!! 😉

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Malkovich Malkovich?

        • SouthSideGeno

          His drums on Los Endos….mmmmmmm

          • The Great Bambino

            I truly feel that Phil/Genesis has a song for every life situation.

          • Finn Bonzalez

            Even for those times when the roof is leaking.

          • The Great Bambino

            “I Wish it would Rain”

          • Finn Bonzalez

            I get annoyed erreytime a radio station here plays the Finnish version of Against All Odds… just play the original. It’s so much better.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I feel like I died a little inside when I read that comment.

          • The Great Bambino

            por que?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Phil Collins. Well..I don’t exactly know how to say this…kinda sucks.

          • The Great Bambino
          • The Ungaba

            I just dearly love that Jovi continues to surprise us.

            Phil Collins is a riot, and some of his songs are iconic. Some are so schmaltzy that it’s hard to believe they were ever recorded, but hey, the 80’s were pretty fucking weird.

          • SouthSideGeno
          • The Great Bambino

            I no longer have Hulu, so don’t get me hooked on something I can’t watch

          • The Great Bambino

            80s were great.
            Are you trying to tell me that “Groove kind of love” doesn’t touch your heart!

          • The Great Bambino

            interesting reminder that he was the drummer; same as Dave Grohl

        • THEcwfutureboy

          Phil Collins is PiH’s bad luck charm for Hockey games.

          • The Great Bambino

            how so?
            actually maybe we shouldn’t speak of this. i don’t want it to spread

    • SouthSideGeno

      KAMON STATISTICAL CORRECTION!!!

    • The Great Bambino

      Bright point: Kessel is as regular as most of yinz bowels.

      The rest of it is just horrifying. Although, I thought we had higher shooting totals this year, no? Randy?

  • PensPointsYourMom
    • SouthSideGeno

      TRUF

      • PensPointsYourMom

        I was thinking last night about Phil and ASG, and the Team USA snub, and the Conn Smythe snub. I wonder if he’d rather be “the guy” in Toronto the one that’s either a hero or a bum, or if he’s content to be a “role player” on the penguins and win cups. It would tough for me, but with great media attention comes great responsibility. Same for Geno, except he’s a hero in Russia, but both are great players who live in Sid’s shadow.

        • PensPointsYourMom

          I also worry less about Geno getting snubbed for stuff. Geno’s not one of the 100 best players? “Hold beer, between the legs I am champion”

          But with Phil, it almost seems like he shrinks a little when he doesn’t get the accolades (no evidence whatsoever to back that up).

          • Could be the “Feels like I should be doing something tonight” tweets

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          Phil is like the folk hero that people write songs about and sing them in the streets… if he ever wants to feel good about himself he just has to walk a “Free Hotdog” cart dahn Carson and he’ll know how much he means to the real peeps!

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Phil is a man of the people no doubt, but that’s no substitute for peer recognition.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Depends on your personal needs and preferences… Here’s a book I think you should read…
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b2c8de303d48547612f428064c3b9452346512eca7d176a17b74a62c896a2c68.jpg
            😀

          • PensPointsYourMom

            No, I only read books written by Gary Coleman.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            I would consider an e-book written by Tracy Chapman.

          • The Ungaba

            I hear Tracy Coleman is a decent read too…

          • Finn Bonzalez

            The memoirs of division II kicker Cole Tracy. Man, what a great read.

          • PensPointsYourMom
          • The Ungaba

            I don’t think peer recognition is his issue. I think his peers would tell you, to a man, how great he is.

            I think it’s NHL ‘old guy’ recognition that he doesn’t get, and that’s because those doucher old frks have decided that Phil doesn’t try hard enough / do enough / back up his teammates / wtf ever, as exemplified by Colby Armstrongs dumfuk comment about ‘you weren’t sure if Phil had your back’ or WTF ever it was. Since that attitude is still ascendant in this dumfuk league, Phil won’t get the ‘official’ recognition he deserves.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Did Army really say that? Jesus, no wonder he didn’t make the Olympic team.

          • The Ungaba

            Yes he did, which kind of shoots a hole my ‘his peers would tell you, to a man…’ argument about Phil. Whoops.

            Regardless, Army is one of those old school guys who made it in the league because he hit people hard, not because he was very good. And those jobbers don’t like that lil chubber Phil can literally skate circles around them without trying while putting a puck directly up their arse from any damn angle they choose.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            It’s an introversion/extroversion issue, imo. Extroverts read introversion as being aloof, cold, strange, suspicious, etc. and in a league (and society, really) dominated by extroverted personalities, a guy like Phil is going to be misunderstood and marginalized.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            #ProjectionB0t

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Are you implying I’m projecting my own experiences as an introvert onto Phil? Or that I’m projecting my own judgments of introverts as an extrovert onto the situation?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            both.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Its from a place of kindness, I am as “broken” and misunderstood as introverts come. And I wasn’t disagreeing with your assessment of Phil.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            It might come from a place of kindness, but it reads as a dismissal of the point, just fyi.

          • The Ungaba

            This is exactly something some goober introvert might say… 😉

          • PensPointsYourMom

            So you’re saying I’m misunderstood?

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            ABORT

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I’m not for diagnosing psychological traits, but this is completely accurate.

            Toronto media needed to take their failure out on someone, and Phil wasn’t great at defending himself.

          • THEcwfutureboy

            No, he didn’t think he needed to do so.

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            I think he knew, I just think he assumed he didn’t stand a chance. Probably why he brought the Cup there last season.

        • Finn Bonzalez

          Is it so that ‘Murican players doan get the same respect as the Canadians?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            You won’t hear me argue that Geno and Phil are as good as Sid. Does that answer your question?

          • Finn Bonzalez

            Not really

          • Islander

            Nah, Kane gets alot of respect. Although some stars do have a very loyal following from their home province

        • Islander

          He wasn’t as good in Toronto, and he hated the level of responsibility he had. He was blamed alot, I think he was very happy to leave

          • The Ungaba

            He WAS as good in Toronto, but he had asshole coaches / GMs who wanted him to be something other than he was. Any moron could see that, but they just kept trying to put a sqaure peg in a round hole thinking if they yelled at him enough he would change. Guess who won that fight?

            Fuck Toronto. Bunch of morons.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            First game I saw at the Taint was Pit v Torono, I was blown away by Phil.
            Such skate, much fast!

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            He was incredible on the 2010 Olympic team, too.

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    Any HQties out there?

    • The Great Bambino

      ???
      Heavy Quakers?

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        It’s a secret code only cool millennials will understand ;D
        (there’s a trivia app called HQ I play live twice a day. I’ve been refraining from bringing it up because that will create more competition, but whatevs)

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          There’s a game about to go live, you have like 2min to download and setup the app.

          • The Ungaba

            Thanks, I don’t need another addiction.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            You can win real money without risking any of your own… 😀

          • The Ungaba

            No No no no no no no no No

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Still plenty of time to sign up, they haven’t even started the 2min timer yet…

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            There’s also a rip-off app called “The Q” that plays at 5:30 😀

          • ok, i’ll download it

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            It will make you mad Bren, fair warning XD

          • oh shit do i need sound?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            not technically no, the questions and answers pop up in text

          • “THE” j-b0t

            holy fuck the chat is going crazy

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            yeah, i swipe right to hide it
            it’s a nightmare in there

          • “THE” j-b0t

            so what is the point of this? to be the trivia master?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            to win cash money

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            $2k split between whoever makes it through all 12 questions

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            some games are $10k

          • “THE” j-b0t

            this lady is annoying me

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            yeah, she’s the worst

          • “THE” j-b0t

            what have I gotten myself into

          • “THE” j-b0t

            who the fuck answered drake on that first one?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            hahahaha

          • “THE” j-b0t

            these questions are preposterous

          • WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS QUESTION

          • ARE YOU SERIOUS?

          • SouthSideGeno

            Wutz in yer right hand?

          • “THE” j-b0t

            I didn’t answer in time, I was too distracted being annoyed.

          • “SPIRIT DUPLICATER” IS A PRINTER AND I AM SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS SOMEHOW?!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Did you take printmaking?
            Just got knocked out by Q8 🙁

          • “THE” j-b0t

            suck it

          • yeah but it was Lysak so it’s not like I actually learned history

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            hahahaha, good point! Spohn taught us some history and stuff when he wasn’t talking about his gumball murals 😀

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I WARNED YOU! 😀

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            question 4 soooooo SAVAGE

          • “THE” j-b0t

            I know all of these except that question 4. Such an obvious culling question.

          • I hope these questions get harder

          • 21k people said tekken 2 is the first popular video game

          • SouthSideGeno

            PONG

          • “THE” j-b0t

            This one killed me.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Iz wutz in yer right hand getting harder?

          • SouthSideGeno

            Yinz are all being hacked by Chinese Nationals right now.

          • cool i got kicked out and now i can only watch?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            oh boo

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            it is plagued with bugs. You did the whole sign-up process?

          • yeah, can i not jump back in??

          • or does “watch” mean the same as participate?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            yeah!

          • how often does this happen? once a day?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            2X

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            3PM & 9PM

          • 2k people said drake is made of frozen water

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            hahahahaha, i told you it would make you mad!

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            you can try to relaunch the app before the first question comes out

          • “THE” j-b0t

            *dives head first into the abyss

      • The Ungaba

        Does not compute…

    • SouthSideGeno

      Hawt Queens?

    • So 191 people just won 2k?

      • Oh it’s 2k split 191 ways. So you get 10 dollars if you win.. Still cool I guess

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        no, split between them, so $10.47 XD

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          when it’s like 10-15 people obviously it is much cooler to win

          • That happens? How long has this been a thing? How are they funded?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Investors in silicon valley. It’s by the dudes who made Vine. They’re hoping it will get big enough to attract major sponsors.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            It’s been a thing since like September-October 2017 I think. Just released for android this month.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Their goal is to make it $1 million dollars at least once a week, with smaller games throughout the rest of the week.

          • “THE” j-b0t

            “it’s by the dudes who made that other app that no one could figure out how to monetize and was thus discontinued”

            Sounds like this one is off to a great start.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I loved Vine 🙁

          • “THE” j-b0t

            Can someone fund me for being obnoxious on a camera for a few minutes? I don’t have boobs, but I look decent in a dress.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Where did you find this quote from me?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I saw a $10k night where only 13 people won, $769.23
            D:

  • The Andy Pepperqvist

    So Ben is kicking around retirement, Bell is threatening to hold out next season, and Mike Mitchell has guaranteed a playoff victory against the Patriots (who they aren’t even playing), all before a playoff game against a team that throttled them earlier in the season.

    Remarkably stupid.

    • SouthSideGeno

      It boggles the braimb…Chawr wouldn’t have had any of this shiz!

      SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PUT UP…then brag all ya want….sheesh meesh.

    • The Ungaba

      I was listening to ‘insert PGH sports guy that nobody knows’ name here’ the other day and his idea was that the Steelers NEED these distractions this year. Hell, they’ve had one just about every week and are 13-3 so why not?

      But I tend to agree with your sentiment.

      Also, Bell is a complete moron. Fuck that guy. Him and Bryant.

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        Don’t get me started on Bell. Jackass makes 50% more than the SECOND-highest RB in the league, and is 100% guaranteed. He turned down $18 mil to get franchises and make $12. I’d franchise him again, then ship him to AZ, where all Steelers go to die.

        • SouthSideGeno

          He sez he’s holding out to make the league realize the valuse of a great RB and to build the salary scale back up for future players….PFFFTTTTT…He want’s to win the lottery.

          Stay healthy and win a championship then talk to me

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            And put down the reefer.

          • SouthSideGeno

            Well…let’s not get krazy here

          • The Andy Pepperqvist

            For $12 mil a year, I’d close down the cartels myself.

  • “THE” j-b0t

    Doge, I hate you.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      hahahahaha

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        WELCOME TO THE HQ-NIVERSE!
        Have you set game-reminder alarms in your phone yet? Because I have… 😀

        • “THE” j-b0t

          NO.

          (looks at phone)

  • PensPointsYourMom

    This is a good “calm your tits” article:
    https://thehockeywriters.com/penguins-tough-decisions-bye-week/

  • The Ungaba
    • SouthSideGeno

      hehehe

    • “THE” j-b0t

      first Twitter link you’ve posted that actually made me lol

      • The Ungaba

        Generally I don’t go to Twitter for lol’s. But this one worked on me too. 🙂

  • PensPointsYourMom

    If you have an average 401k, but an extraordinary penis, check out this new advanced stat:
    https://www.pensburgh.com/2018/1/12/16885340/pittsburgh-penguins-advanced-stats-zone-entries-sidney-crosby-fancy-stats-evgeni-malkin

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      Interesting tool is right…
      while normally I would slog through something like this, today I would rather hit myself in the face with a Griswold cast-iron skillet

      • The Ungaba

        Seconded.

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          Shall we do each other? Not like that… but I do only have one skillet…

          • The Ungaba

            Hmmm… I’ll ‘do you’ first, then, if you can still see/stand, you ‘do me’. Deal?

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            deal ;D

        • SouthSideGeno

          I’m havin a day…I broke my ice machine trying to dislodge a stuck ice cube.
          Was washing off ma Pony and scratched the paint…cause forgot to remove ring.
          Toilet seat needs new bolt…butt only on one side.
          I FUCKING HATE ENTROPY

          • The Ungaba

            Amen! I had that day the last two days. Completely took apart a toilet because, yeah, didn’t have the right gasket, when I get the replacement I find out that the new models are quite inexpensive and much more efficient and I’d be better off going that route.

            Also leak in the kitchen sink area, from where, we don’t know. And gobs of water running into my basement. Oh the joys of homeownership!

          • Big Poppa Vlad
  • Finn Bonzalez
  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    Yes, but no relation 😀

  • The Ungaba

    If you live in the Picksburg area, get home quick and stay there!

    • SouthSideGeno
      • The Ungaba

        Lol, and yes. You’ll be getting this tomorrow. Or tonight. Yay weather!

        • SouthSideGeno

          Tomorrow into Sunday…yup…time to go end of the world groshery shopping…AGAIN ALREADY?

          • The Ungaba

            MILK AND BREAD!!!!!

            (and TP for those of us without bidets)

          • Finn Bonzalez

            IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD! GET A BIDET WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

          • SouthSideGeno

            Scoops and Queso…Red Baron Supreme Thin Crust (4)…6 Pack of frozen White Castle Burgers (2) for emergency only : ) …Case of Stella!
            Got it.

          • The Ungaba

            Now THAT is a shopping list.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            yeah…if you’re shopping for colon cancer.

          • SouthSideGeno

            I stole this list from the NBCSN Hawkey desk.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            #toosoon

          • SouthSideGeno
          • The Ungaba

            Hmmm… I didn’t realize you could shop for that. Count me in!

          • Penguin in Houston

            Best queso recipe:
            1lb. Velveeta
            1 can Rotel tomatoes ( any flavor)
            1 can Wolf brand chili without beans
            Yumminess!

          • THEcwfutureboy

            I need this right frkin now.

          • SouthSideGeno

            How long in the nuclear furnace pleeze?

          • Penguin in Houston

            Either put in crock pot on low until melted and warmed up or put on stovetop in a Dutch oven on low. Cut the cheese up!

          • PensPointsYourMom

            ….cut the cheese

          • SouthSideGeno

            …nibble the tomatoes

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Did you know a Nibble is half a Byte?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            BOOOOOOOOO

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            OOOOOOOOOO YACK-A-SHA!

          • SouthSideGeno

            RADLEY?

          • PensPointsYourMom
          • SouthSideGeno

            How many Oz tomatoe?

          • Penguin in Houston

            10 oz. Rotel (I use the one with green chiles)
            15 oz. chili

          • SouthSideGeno

            Thanks GF…I’m making this on Sunday!

          • Penguin in Houston

            Cool!

          • SouthSideGeno

            I’ll let ya know how it turns out.
            YOU=BESTY

          • Penguin in Houston

            Got a great recipe for spicy Texas Redneck crackers too if you ever want it. They’re a hit.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            I’ll bite… literally… wtf are dose?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            It’s wheat thins with tabasco and meth

          • Penguin in Houston

            SPICY SALTINES
            1 package (1 oz.) Ranch Dressing Mix
            2 tsp. Garlic Powder.
            2 tsp. Ground Red Pepper
            1 tsp. Chili Powder
            1/2 tsp. Cayenne Pepper
            1/2 tsp. smoky Paprika
            1 1/3 cup vegetable Oil
            One 16 oz. box of saltine crackers

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            This is basically my “recipe”! Sometimes I get crazy and buy some fancy fresh salsa to put in for vitamins 😀

          • Penguin in Houston

            Anything spicy will do. You can even cut up some jalapeños if’n ya want.

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Oh now that is too much work… XD

          • Penguin in Houston

            LAZY! Lol

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            you know me! You REALLY know me!!! 😀

    • Just sat through 45 minutes of traffic on fifth ave in Oakland. Barely even cold out

      • The Ungaba

        Give it time. The shit is starting where I am. Nasty stuff coming in. Rain, then ice, then snow. Good times!

        • Yeah, I’m hoping it’s not as bad as they’re pitching it. Hate traffic jams, and it seems like they’re all over town and it hasn’t even started!

        • SouthSideGeno

          Yuh…them green frkers at Lincoln Field for the Iggles tomorrow are gonna start out in the mid 40’s and then by night fall…low teens and high wind….muahahaha

  • Finn Bonzalez
    • PensPointsYourMom

      Thank God. The Nightmare is almost over

  • SouthSideGeno

    Headman out 4-6 weeks for …being a DIK.

    • Penguin in Houston

      Ripped dik

  • The Ungaba

    Meanwhile, in CA:

    http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2018/01/11/mayor-shoots-squirrels-from-truck/

    Even the gun-owners are crazy in Cali!!!

    • PensPointsYourMom

      well then what’s the point of being mayor?

    • SouthSideGeno

      hahaha. DAFUQ is wrong with these peeps

    • Penguin in Houston

      Didn’t mention that he’s originally from Texas

      • SouthSideGeno

        HA!…shocker

        • Penguin in Houston

          No idea

      • The Ungaba

        “Daggum squirrels gettin’ all up in them thar pra-pellas!!!!”

    • Big Poppa Vlad

      LOL, this is a wholesome family activity in a good part of this country…

      • The Ungaba

        Agreed, just not on an airfield.

        More like in the hollers of shithole W.VA.

        Yeah, I said it – WVA is a shithole.

        • PensPointsYourMom

          I’ll fight you!

          • The Ungaba

            3 O’Clock, bitch! Meet me in Pickapaw Holler!!!!

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Is that in Fayette county PA?

          • The Ungaba

            DEEP in the heart of WVA. So deep you need a banjo or your life, and asshole, are forfeit.

        • Penguin in Houston

          Parts of it are, I lived there for five years. Father was transferred to Ohio and believe it or not, schools were better in WV.

  • The Ungaba

    I hate these posts. Which one is Chile – top left? I dunno flags.

    Chile(?) – Kanaduh – ….someother place
    Sweden – Russia – Sweden
    self explanatory
    Germany – Kanaduh – Kanaduh

    Do I win a prize?

  • Penguin in Houston

    Top left, stolen from Texas

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      Hate to break it to you, Chilean flag adopted 1817, Texas flag adopted 1839
      “The stars at night…
      ARE FULL OF LIES”

      • Penguin in Houston

        Booooooo!

      • The Ungaba

        clap clap clap clap

        DEEP IN THE HEART OF CHILE!!!!!!!

      • THEcwfutureboy

        Yeah, well…we eat Chili with Chiles in them, and then when we poop it comes out of our buttholes. Take that, Chile.

        *this childish rant is in no way an endorsement of the Cheeto in Chief’s remarks released yesterday.

    • THEcwfutureboy

      goddamnright.gif

  • THEcwfutureboy

    JESUS. Bombulie looks like he just got off the ship in Wall-E.

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Where the fuck is Randy?

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      I think maybe Montezuma’s Revenge got ‘im. He never could resist drinking the local “water”…

      • PensPointsYourMom

        beaver water

    • Penguin in Houston

      Giving Mario a reach around

      • PensPointsYourMom

        ABORT!

        • The Ungaba

          I mean, that’s what he was doing what I saw him last, so…

          • Penguin in Houston

            Yuh, cannot erase that memory!

    • SouthSideGeno

      He told me he was meeting an Asian guy by the pool…

  • The Ungaba
    • Finn Bonzalez
      • The Great Bambino

        wow they have crappy music taste

        • The Ungaba

          This coming from Phil Collins’ biggest fan???

          • Finn Bonzalez

            BOOOO

          • UlfSammySon

            Reminder we have that show tomorrow night at Club Cafe. The bad news is it’s the late show. Starts at 10:30, we don’t play until like 12:15/12:30 bud

          • Penguin in Houston

            Can he stay awake?

          • UlfSammySon

            Survey sayssssssss….. NOPE.

          • The Ungaba

            DING DING DING DING DING!!!

            I will not be in attendance because things. Also because that’s DAMN late.

            But please, PLEASE keep me updated. I need to get the hell out of my house some times and I need good reasons to do it!!!!!

          • UlfSammySon

            I will keep you posted, my good man.

          • The Great Bambino

            Phil is a genius, you hater.

      • The Great Bambino

        OH Crap I’m boring! Nope, nope, gotta make some life changes.
        I got Matt Murray

        • Finn Bonzalez

          Boring old Jeebus.

          • The Great Bambino

            come on, he barely has a pulse, its amazing he can move that fast.
            Murray is the Ben Carson of hockey

          • Finn Bonzalez

            *googles Ben Carson*

    • The Ungaba

      I’m Sid.

      • PensPointsYourMom

        Fuck you! I’m Sid. And Spartacus. Also, if you don’t get Kessel by saying Hotdogs are your favorite snack, its all a sham.

        • PensPointsYourMom

          I went back and took it again and gave all the same answers except I changed my snack to hotdog….Sid again…house of lies.

          • The Ungaba

            This is why we can’t have nice things. Why do you have to ruin our fun?

            That fight is BACK ON!!!!!

          • The Great Bambino

            It may just mean Sid and Phil like hotdogs

          • The Ungaba

            Awwwwwwwwwww yeah!

          • PensPointsYourMom

            NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

          • PensPointsYourMom

            You can’t handle the truth!

          • SouthSideGeno

            I know, right!

      • SouthSideGeno

        SKOAR SOME FUKIN GOLAS WOULD YA

    • Penguin in Houston

      I got Bang Bang Kris Letang!

      • The Ungaba

        How was he?

    • UlfSammySon

      I’m always the one eating nachos. Don’t matter what player.

      • Penguin in Houston

        I’m a nacho kid myself.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      I am score.

    • I got kuhnhackl

      • The Ungaba

        Wow, didn’t know that was an option.

        Someone needs to chart all of this and align with our alignment charts and… nvm.

        • The Great Bambino

          i’m out, that’s all you Ung

      • Penguin in Houston

        You Cannibal you!

      • PensPointsYourMom

        lol…I’d jack it to Knuckles in the shower.

      • SouthSideGeno

        I got LeTang but this is bullshiz cause I picked Chips for my snack and his sez “hello avocado toast”

        • UlfSammySon

          Chips! We’re meant to be.

          • SouthSideGeno

            I am a potato chip connisewer

          • UlfSammySon

            YESSSSSS! Those were the only chips my dad would buy when I was little.

            That owl is my dude!

          • SouthSideGeno

            Sooooo greasy and burny flavored and goooooooooood.

          • UlfSammySon

            You get me, brah.

          • SouthSideGeno

            I bought my sister a case of them for Christmas on Amazon cause they have no P-Chip class out in Cali….her local stores doan carry them. Health Food Hipster Losers.

            I achieved total hero status with that one

          • UlfSammySon

            Not all heroes wear capes, Geno. Some of them ship chips to California.

        • “THE” j-b0t

          Looks like someone is a stupid, lazy, overpaid idiot.

    • The66thDopefish

      Geno!

      • SouthSideGeno

        Whale Cum to the Geno club!

      • The Great Bambino

        lucky

  • Finn Bonzalez
    • PensPointsYourMom

      rapey AF

      • The Ungaba

        Yeah, Wayne didn’t get a good deal on that ‘likeness’

        • PensPointsYourMom

          Maybe, or maybe Grets is rapey AF irl…

          • Penguin in Houston

            Kinda the thing nowadays

          • THEcwfutureboy

            Sad, but true.

  • The Ungaba

    Someone find this man and remove him from Twitter:

    https://twitter.com/EntwisleScott/status/951924937622786049

    In response to the ‘Murray left for personal reasons’ tweet from the Pens. UGH I HATE PEOPLE.

    • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

      Unless he’s the reincarnation of John Entwistle, STFU! 😀

      • The Ungaba

        Even if he is. I mean, if he is, just play the bass and STFU, right???

        • I like the idea of John Entwhistle bring reincarnated and spending his time just being a dick on twitter

    • UlfSammySon

      Much disrespect Scott, because you are a moron. Also, a terrible person. Why the fuck would you say that?

      Ung, get off of Twitter. It’s so much more peaceful!

    • Penguin in Houston

      What a douche nozzle!

    • SouthSideGeno

      I would love to douche smak Scott Entwisle as hard as I possibly could…round house, full wind up, rings on errey finger

    • gutsgonebad

      I think it’s time for a road trip to go and bitch slap the shit out of Scott Entwisle.

  • “THE” j-b0t

    ayyyyy I took that quiz and I’m #87 biznatches.

    • Midnight Rider

      Same. I am a weird, wannabe architect, who golfs, dreams of Hawaii, watches Rounders, listens to Otherside, and munches chips and guac.

      • The Great Bambino

        Hawaii! that’s the only place Sid wants to go?

        • SouthSideGeno

          Trono HoF?

          • PensPointsYourMom

            just a matter of time.

      • PensPointsYourMom

        I cry foul, I am weird, wannabe architect who likes anything outdoors, vacations in space, listens to Greenday (mostly cause its the only band on that list I’ve heard of) watches GoT and eats chips, and hotdogs.

        There’s no way we should have both gotten the same player.

        • UlfSammySon

          I got Sid too…

          • Midnight Rider

            I would’ve picked Green Day too, but Good Riddance out of their entire catalog? Such a HS graduation song.

          • UlfSammySon

            I think the quiz just randomly picks a player; some more than others.

          • Midnight Rider

            Had this thought. So I retook it, same answers, still got Sid.

          • PensPointsYourMom

            Haha…we’re like Navajo code breakers, but for a dumbass meaningless internet quiz

        • Midnight Rider

          Maybe we only matched 2/7 with Sid and the other 5 were all different players?

          • UlfSammySon

            Has to be something like that. I only had Green Day and Chips in common with PPYM…

            Wait. I had 0 the same with you MR…

    • Door_Matt

      There’s a quiz?

      EDIT: Quiz has big taste. I’m Geno.

      • The Great Bambino

        see Ung below

        • Door_Matt

          Yeah just took it.

      • The Andy Pepperqvist

        I’m Reaves. Makes sense because I rarely work more than six minutes a day.

  • The Great Bambino

    Is “Cutting Edge” consider a hockey movie?

    • gutsgonebad

      Is I, Tonya. She was a brawler who took fight to the ice.

      • The Great Bambino

        Interesting perspective on I, Tonya. I was thinking more like how “Happy Gilmore” is considered a hockey movie. Shouldn’t “Cutting Edge”.
        Did you see I, Tonya? I heard it was good.

        • SouthSideGeno

          Gonna take Mrs SSG to see that this weekend…and The Post…all the Money in the World…3 Builboards….and whatever else we can squeeze in without having Greta crap the entire house in anger at being abandoned

          • Midnight Rider

            Jelly. I want to see 3 Billboards.

  • PensPointsYourMom
    • The Great Bambino

      maybe he took him down there to sell Wayne for cocaine.

  • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

    Dearest Blawgwina,
    I have succumbed to the sickness. I fear not even the great advances in modern medicine can allay my intense suffering. Please bestow my likes equally between the children, as they are my legacy. If I do indeed pass on, always remember that time SSG said I was his favorite. Please refrain from opening the door to my quarters, as I’m afraid the fumes from my colonic emissions may overwhelm you all.

    Peace and Nose Grease,
    Doge

    • PensPointsYourMom

      suck it up buttercup

      • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

        It’s pretty fun to fight the NyQuil…

        • PensPointsYourMom

          let me know when your whole body feels like its made out of marshmallows

          • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

            Bringoes #staypuffed

          • UlfSammySon

            Make you some lean.

        • MoonStanley

          Nyquil keeps waking me up in the middle of the night. This is suppoda keep me asleep!

    • The Great Bambino

      keep ahead of the outflow by buying the Costco sized Gator-aid pack.

      if not then it was nice knowing you. try not to die on the commode

    • SouthSideGeno

      “Alas, poor Sleve! I knew him, Ulfie: a fellow. of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath. borne me on his tiny truck a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My bidet rises at it..”

      Friggen Drama King…(yer still my favorite…question is…favorite what?)
      Feel better ShakeSleveeeeeee.

      • UlfSammySon

        Honorable mention. Can I be your new favorite?

    • Finn Bonzalez
  • PensPointsYourMom

    Swoon. Captain oh my captain. #infiniteleaderships
    https://twitter.com/penguins/status/952006464050225153

    • UlfSammySon

      Sidney Crosby. Good Friend.

      • The Great Bambino

        oh snap! i’m getting feels.

    • SouthSideGeno

      Capetian Classisus

  • PensPointsYourMom

    Jack Johnson requested a trade. The pens won’t get him for 3 reasons, they don’t need another D, they don’t need another LD, they can’t afford him, and he’s coming from CBJ. But it will be interesting to see if the BJs flip him, and for what. I wonder if his parents have enough of his money left to buy him out.

  • MoonStanley

    New season of X Files is confirmed terrible so far. 2 eps in.

    The writing is awful. All these crappy character monologues telling you exactly what everyone is feeling. The Smoking Man tells you “I’m really bad”. His lady asks him how bad he is, and he answers again, “real bad.”

    What happened to the flying saucer on the bridge from last seasons cliffhanger? Is that story thrown away? It just picks up in a random spot. Oh no, Scully is sick again. *Eye roll*

  • MoonStanley

    3 hours til puck drop

  • UlfSammySon
  • UlfSammySon

    You liking Mafia 3?

  • UlfSammySon

    Cheap is good! That was my one gripe with it too; gets repetitive. I just finished Resident Evil 7. Prettttttttttttttttty solid.

    • Finn Bonzalez

      I’ve really missed the fast travel option in this game at times…

      • UlfSammySon

        Yeah. Open world games NEED fast travel.

        • Sleve_Scoobert_HawtDoge

          Real life needs fast travel… #hyperloop?

          • UlfSammySon

            That would be amazing.

  • Rad88

    LAST SECOND HAIL MARY GAMEDAY UP!!!!!

  • MoonStanley

    working on that platinum, i see!

    • Finn Bonzalez

      Yeah maybe… There’s A TON to do though.