The 2025 NHL Entry draft has come and gone (like Dillon’s mom.) Like Batman, I saw the Shlurpo signal in the night skyline singling I have work to do. The Pens made 13 picks, the most since the 1994 NHL Entry Draft, 3 alone in the 1st round the most since 1984 when they only took some French-Canadian guy you might have heard of named Mario Lemieux who made the league his personal ass-bitch, Doug Bodger a solid defenseman used to get Tom Barrasso out of Buffalo and whatever the holy hell a Roger Belanger was supposed to be, Wikipedia told me he died in 2011 do to a heart attack at age 45.
Without further f’ing around let’s get to why we’re all here.
BEN KINDELL
5’10 176 LBS
C/RW RH Coquitlam, BC
April 19, 2007
Calgary Hitman, WHL
65GP: 35G+64A 99PTS. 39 PIMS +39
Scouting Report: Complete 200 ft. forward, High hockey IQ, natural passer but can also shoot and score. Skating could use a good polishing, mostly at first couple step to hit max acceleration.
Comparison: Brayden Point/Nick Suzuki.
BILL ZONNON
6’2 187 LBS
RW/C-LH Montreal, Quebec
October 3, 2006
Rouyn-Noranda Huskies, QMJHL
65GP: 28G+55A 83PTS. 32 PIMS +5
Scouting Report: Big, hardworking forward who brings a great work ethic and compete level every night, Gritty (not the Flyers mascot) kinda guy who’s great in the corners and along the walls. It is very hard to move him when he gets close to the net and screens the goalie. Good hard, heavy shot and quick release. Needs work on his skating.
NHL Comparison: Patric Hornqvist/ Wayne Simmonds.
WILL HORCOFF
6’5 203 LBS.
C-LH Bloomfield, Michigan.
January 23, 2007
University of Michigan, Big 10-NCAA
18 GP: 4G+6A 10PTS. 6PIMS -4
Scouting Report: Son of former longtime NHLer Shawn Horcoff, Massive and rugged 2way center, strong net front presence, defensively sound.
Fun facts:
1. Kicked off his collegiate hockey career outdoors during the Frozen Confines game January 3, 2025 at Wrigley Field with a goal and assist against Ohio, both scored on the power play.
2. January 10th, 2006, Mellon Arena, His daddy Shawn scores a hat trick against the Pens sandwiched between this a 2nd period Ryan Malone goal his 8th on the season- Good for his stats, not much else a 3-1 Oilers victory handing the Pens their 3rd straight loss, why is this loss so important you ask?
This magical moment that will forever live in infamy happens during the post-game press conference:
https://youtu.be/r7aDhhamxm0
NHL Comparison: Tage Thompson/Brian Boyle
Well as that aboot does it. Stay Tuned for the next thrilling chapter with potentially more boobies included! But more than likely not, but never say never.
Until then it’s your ole pal Shlurpo signing off.
Hasa la Pinga!
LGP