‘Twas the game before Christmas, and all through the haaaas…
Not a Penguin was stirring, nor even a maaaaaas.
The Penguins had traveled to Car-o-LINE-A…
To go kick the ‘Canes in their collective va-a-GI-na. (It’s called poetic license, shut up)

With Pens fans all nestled all snug in der beds…
While visions of Muzz and Snek danced in der heads.
And Sully in his ker-chief, and JR in his cap…
Had just finalized a trade ‘fore the long winter’s nap.

When dahn in Raleigh their arose such a clatter…
I shouted “Shut cher maaath” to cease all the chatter.
Away to pens.hockey I flew like a flash…
Pulled open the website and started talkin’ TRASH!!!

For whatever reason, you idiots who read this blog are stuck with me, and I’m in the Christmas spirit, so you’ll just have to suck it up, buttercup!

The last game before the holiday break features the return of Jordan Staal (lol, who?), who apparently had been out with a braimb bruise of some sort. He’s missed the past five, during with the Canes are 1-3-1. Coincidence? Yeah, probably. I’m not a big fan of stats, but Staal has been pretty ‘meh’ for all of his non-Penguins years, so I would hardly expect a change when he turns 30… HOLY SHIT, Jordan Staal is 30. For whatever reason, Sid hitting 30 didn’t bother me. Same with Malkin and Fleury. But Staal was like the lil wee baby ‘Guin during those runs. HIM turning 30 explains why my balls now always hit the toilet water… getting OLD. Jeezus.

Anyway, if HE’S old, his brother is older, and we all know what just happened to HIM… you know, because he was just here the other day, forcibly reminding us that he is still in the league.

The Canes are coached by Rod Brind’Amour, who brought back that loving feeling… but little else. Justin Williams also still plays, which is fun, but that’s about it. And he instituted that super fun tradition where the team does some goofy thing after a game.

I have to say, anything that adds some fun to the game is a good thing. So good for them for not letting the curmudgeons at the NHL keep them down.

Speaking of fun…

It's the season of giving, and we're here to give you a gift that will surely bring you cheer… Holiday video bloopers! pic.twitter.com/u2ZGrOjNqP

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) December 21, 2018

Also, they still are the Hurricanes – lots of promise, little follow-through. And since they’re a crappy team, get ready to get pissed off tonight.

Or maybe Geno plays the role of Santa for us…

Geno laid a big hit on Sebastian Aho …
And when shooting the puck, all the Canes defense froze.
Horny sprang on the rebound, and whacked the puck home…
And the Penguins all celebrated and yelled at the dome.

But I heard them exclaim ere they skated off the ice:
“Happy Christmas to all, lets go drink some Bud Light”