ReGameCapDay 53 & 54: Hot Garbage

Rumors of my demise were wildly exaggerated, unfortunately for you. Thanks to Jovi, Dopey, MeanoGeno and the gang for keepin’ the lights on whilst I was off pretending like I had a life.

Malkin would be returning to the lineup which was super neat. Matheson is now week-to-week which is the polar opposite of super neat. Time time time, there’s never enough time. So let’s not waste any more than we have to.

The Flyers sure didn’t waste any time jumping all over the Penguins. Or so I heard. Working through the first period of games has become the status quo around here, so if any a yinz wanna send me your notes in the future, knock yourselves out.

The somewhat of a surprise starter DeSmith would get a work out in the early going and seemed to be holding his own. In fact, he seemed to make a save-of-the-year, except for the fact that he did not.

The play leading up to this was where the mis-fortune began, because the boys were actually applying some decent pressure. At least until the puck jumped over Marino’s attempted keep in. This resulted in a quick 2 on 1 which DeSmith actually played perfectly, except for the fact that he did not. The rebound went BEHIND the net, directly off the backboard to a waiting Haze out of nowhere. 1-0 scum.

A few minutes later, Kapanen would wire one in that Lyin’ got just enough of to slow down, and then made a sprawling effort to keep it from crossing the goal line. Puck luck 2, Pens 0.

Then Kapanen took a stupid penalty. Which meant that the crappy Phlyurs PP would go up against a much better Pens PK and so of course…

Pens slow to their positions. Phlyurs made them pay. 2-0 scum.

A minute later, wtf…

Puck luck 3, scum 3, Pens 0 and I just want to go to bed. The Penguins were playing like they wanted to go to bed, so why not?

Second verse, same as the first, albeit with slightly better puck luck. Pens had ZERO forecheck and looked about as fresh as …. well as something that isn’t the least bit fresh. Old socks? Expired milk? Your mom’s overworked underwire bra? You know the one, with the weird stains and the misshapen wires that are more like V’s than U’s at this point. Yeah, that one. Who stains a bra?

Oh yeah, about half way through the period, Mega Ginger Allison (how many friggin’ gingers are allowed on one team anyway, jeezus???) would help take advantage of a sloppy Pens change.

Brain Fart 1, Puck Luck 3, scum 4, Pens 0

If you turned off the TV at this time, congratulations, you’re officially less destructive and full of self-loathing than I am. If you left it on, you got to see Geno get pissed off and get involved in some pushing and shoving. Perhaps a good sign?

Ultimately, nothing much would happen, even with Myers taking a last slashing call and putting the Pens PP on the ice with just under a minute left. No goal, but PP to start the 3rd with fresh ice. Who knows?

Basically doubled all of the stuff except the goals. WTF is going on?

At this point the Phlyurs would pull their meanest trick yet – they would give us hope. This time in the form of taking three penalties in a row. So while the Pens didn’t connect on their first PP, they trusted the system on the second with The Captain cashing in.

Crosby (21) from Letang (35), Malkin (17) – 2:30 – PPG

Textbook tip drill. Just the tip.

This would be followed by another scumbag taking another penalty. This time, PP not so great.

But THEN Jo-El FurryBee would take another penalty and Zucker was there to make him regret it.

Zucker (8) from Marino (10), Kapanen (17) – 8:24 – PPG

Talk about a guy who needed one. And suddenly it’s only a two goal deficit. There’s that dangerous hope I was talking about…

Three minutes later, furry bee makes up for his sin, the prick.

OK, I have to admit, that was a helluva move.

Hope left my body when that puck went in the net. And the same can be said for the Pens who acted like they were trying, but ultimately just made it more embarrassing for the record books.

Two more scum goals and finally it was time to hit the showers.



  • Great to see Geno back. Now let’s hope he shows up tomorrow for real, for real.
  • Kapanen is still FLYING. Could have had two. This is a Good Sign.
  • Matheson is a big loss. Friedman doesn’t feel like the answer.
  • Geno was taking faceoffs on the powerplay instead of Sid. Something weird there…
  • Philly sucks but they played harder, period. That’s now how a first place team should play.

Let’s take a quick look back at the locker room after Sully’s presser:

Gameday 54: Moving On

Well, the Pens are guaranteed a losing record against their cross-state rivals this year. How this has happened no one can probably answer with any confidence. Do the Flyers know how to get under our skin? Sure. Are they someone OK at hockey? Aside from in goal most of the time, yes, they are OK. In fact, many ‘pundits’ (what a weird ass word, amirite??) actually picked them to win the division. They all thought Hart was the answer as well. At least we can giggle about that.

But the Pens stint in first place was short lived with that turdburger yesterday, coupled with the Craps shellacking the Rangers. Oh yeah, and if you didn’t see it already, go watch Literally The Most Disgusting Piece Of Garbage In The NHL Today attempt to injure not one but two defenseless Rangers during one minute long sequence. I won’t post it here because Scum Sucking Piss Drinking Assholes don’t deserve any more presence on the internet. See? Look how much he pissed me off, and he wasn’t even playing the Pens!

Anyway, the Pens need to bounce back and finish this season series with some pride. Points be damned, this is about Playing Like Winners. And winners beat bad teams who are out of the playoffs.