ReGameCapDay 56: Chumping the Champs

The last time the Pens played the Lightning they got pummeled, 5-1, at home. But on the opening night of the season, the boys ruined Tampa’s banner celebration, taking the champs behind the woodshed and skating away with a 6-1 victory. Thus is hockey, where predictions are generally a fools errand and momma didn’t raise no fool.

For as rocky as the lineup shifting was at the beginning of the season, it’s been remarkably consistent for a good while now. Blue still isn’t ready after the ‘hockey play’ that ruined his jaw. And Matheson is dealing with *checks notes* something, allowing Friedman to have all of us say, ‘Oh hey – I remember that dude!’ Zucker isn’t on there either but nobody likely noticed.

Listening to this one and it was obvious the visitors showed up to PLAY. The hustle and drive was evident from the puck drop, and if you wanted to see how fired up the boys were you needed to look no further than Geno. He was skating hard and fast and picking off pucks… all in the first three minutes. Oh, and then he did this:

Heinen (12) from Kapanen (17), Malkin (13) – 3:46 – EV

Sure, Heinen got the goal, but nothing happens with the signature Geno Swoop. Jordan Staal always reminded me of a pterodactyl when he was ‘on’ – just had so much range. Geno is a cross of a pterodactyl and a wild boar – swooping around but with a bad attitude and a target in mind and nobody was going to stop him. Seeing this goal gave me goosebumps, and that was just now watching the replay. But it was a Good Sign of Things To Come (heheheheh).

A few minutes later, ERod (oh yeah, that guy!) would at least do enough to earn a tripping call and it was time for the PP to come out to play.

I’m sure some of you remember the time when the PP was poopoo, as it wasn’t that long ago. But man, this team sure makes you forget that crap quickly when they play it like this:

Crosby (17) from Guentzel (29), Malkin (14) – 6:27 – PPG

Just look at how much time Sid has to pick his spot. Vaseline is a helluva goalie, but when the puck does that, wtf are you supposed to do in his shoes? I tell you what you do. You fail. You let it in and wallow in your failure and pray for the pain to end. Or at least trade out the water bottle for the vodka bottle.

For the rest of the period, it was a lot of the same thing. The Pens pushing, the Bolts getting pushed. Sometimes they’d have a good look, but Jarry was rested and up to the task.

I’m not sure what brought it on, but tempers flared and Letang finally had enough of Point. Fisticuffs ensued, with Tanger getting the better of things. But apparently Coach Cooper didn’t like what was going on and got the hook for abuse of officials. Lol. Sucks to suck, sucker.

The important part is that the Pens would head to the locker room up 2-0 with smug satisfaction on their faces.

16-5 in shots seems like a recipe for success, no?

I was actively flying through the air and missed most of this one. Suffice it to say, the boys kept it up. Around the 6 minute mark, a puck would bounce fuckily and Letang would Letang it and PoopyEddie Bells would take advantage. 2-1 good guys.

Letang spaz. Happens.

More things happened but it was still much the same. Eventually, the home team would screw up again and this time it was McGinn who was the beneficiary.

McGinn (11) from Rodrigues (19) – 17:08 – EV

A breakaway from your own blueline means there’s lots of time to fuck it up. That said, ERod put a perfect pass on Brock’s blade. Brock then made a simple yet speedy move that Vasy couldn’t keep up with. Depth scoring – gotta love it!

5 shots in the first, 8 in the second. The best offense is a good defense, apparently.

So there’s domination, and then there’s domination. Owning the puck, owning the VAST majority of the chances. Owning the mental game. Just basically owning the Tampons.

Geno wasn’t done. Here – I’ll prove it.

Malkin (10) from Heinen (11) – 5:14 – EV

Straight. Into. My veins. All the vaseline in the world couldn’t have prepared Vasy’s bunghole for that destruction. Beast mode Geno is such a lovely sight. And you think we’d be used to it by now, but it always gives me such fond memories of the last 15 years when it’s on display. That said, it’s not like he’s been some wilting flower this season. He’s scored in every game but 3 that he’s been in. Geno is here to play fuck people up and WE are all just along for the ride.

Guess what? More domination. For the entire rest of the period. So much so that Tampa would pull the goalie with seven (7!!!) minutes to play. Which means it was fun times.

Guentzel (26) from Letang (43), Crosby (35) – 14:00 – ENG

Not only do you fatties get Jakes Shakes for half off tomorrow (jealous), you get to enjoy that textbook Murphy Dump executed by Letang. More flashbacks. Love them all.

It was all over but the crying.


  • Utter domination, from start to finish, of a very good team with a Vezina winning goalie. The boys WORKED for this one.
  • Carter and ERod didn’t make much impact on the scoresheet, but were big all game, especially BJC.
  • Jarry wasn’t tested much, but there were a few times and he is still struttin’.
  • At 19-6-3 the Pens have the best road record in the LEAGUE.

GameDay 57: Back to Back after Beating Back to Backers?

With no time to revel in their accomplishment, the Pens turn their attention to the only team ahead of them in the Metro. A team that matches up well, but still hasn’t won anything.

To really have a chance at a division title, the time to strike is neigh. And honestly, even if they don’t win the division, the boys need to show they’re not going to back down from a team designed to give them fits.

And to get past them, they’ll likely be relying on DeSmith to keep up his recent solid work.

Second of back-to-backs is always a little sketchy. But this is a big matchup and they know what’s at stake. Time to prove it.