GAMEDAY 70: Keep that big Washington jagauff from winning again

Yinz thought I meant that ‘other’ big Washington jagauff, hu?

Whale cum to this historic, groundbreaking P.H Gameday. Today is the first time in the ‘slightly storied’ (or is it slightly soiled?, I get those confused) existence of P.H that an ‘Enemy of the State’ of Penguin Nation will contribute to an official post. It’s a sad day in hockey blawg hell when WE start allowing this delusional kind of crap to take place. Just remember, if it’s well received… “it was all my idea from the start.” If it’s a flop…”why did I let UNG talk me into this?” Oh, and thanks LeRad ; D

All that said…I’d like to introduce the hardest working NSA (fake news) operative in Washington, take it away… dcdb

I’m beginning to believe it really is him.

Like the other teams in the Metropolitan division, the Washington Capitals have had a volatile season. Following a laugher of a season opener against the hockey Bruins of Boston, which the good guys won 7-0, the Caps went on to drop 9 of 15, clearly missing the contributions of noted hydration enthusiast and first-line right winger Tom Wilson. His return after 14/16/20 games, (depending on how you count) sparked a change of fortune, including several respectable winning streaks, but a string of losses in late December/early January raised questions about the ability of this team to compete down the stretch.

Stretch this Toooodd

Not least of these is the ability of newly-elevated head coach Todd Reirden, the first of his name, and his coaching staff to manage essentially the same roster as last year’s Cup-winning team (I’ll never get tired of saying that). The advanced stats really tell the story of this part of the season. For instance, looking at relative Corsi mapped against Gold Bond usage per square inch of grundle (score adjusted, of course)…just kidding, advanced stats are for degenerates. 

I’m a ‘the colostomy bag is half full’ kinda guy.

I’m grateful to GMJR and the entire Pens front office that their reading comprehension of the CBA is apparently poor, as I can think of no sweeter irony than you guys having to pay Hags to wear red. I’m so excited about his contributions on the fore-check. I feel like Ung’s mom at a frozen hot dog factory.

Since the trade deadline, the Caps have won seven in a row, the second such winning streak they’ve put together and enough to create some separation at the top of the Metro. The Caps have also unlocked a number of individual accomplishments, including the following:

Ovi now has 10 45-goal seasons, the most in NHL history
Holtby hit 250 wins, the second-fastest goalie to do so after the venerable Ken Dryden

Incidentally, you should check out Holtby’s article in the Players’ Tribune, he gives significant props to MAF.

Tom Wilson is on the cusp of 20 goals despite having missed 16 games due to suspension for being Tom Wilson

His contract is looking less and less like the albatross some (looking at you, PPYM) thought it might be.

That said, all is not totally well in Caps land. Despite winning their last game against the Jets 3-1, the Caps were badly outshot 34-18. They won the previous game against the Devils pretty handily, but their play was far from inspired and any other team in the Metro would have feasted on the six power plays the Caps gave up. The top six really aren’t clicking that well, with special emphasis on Kuzy, who hasn’t had a chance to flap his wings in quite some time.

Русский пенис индейки

Anyway, tonight’s game is the last regular season matchup between the Caps and the Pens, and an opportunity for the good guys to even the season series. We all have a good sense of what we’re going to get: maybe a little nut play, a shot or two across the face/head, and a good deal of snarl. What we’ll also get, I hope, is Ovi getting his 1200th point assisting on Wilson’s 20th goal of the season. I’m putting my money alongside $250K of the Pens’ and saying that Hagelin scores the GWG. 

If the Philth are allowed to, then so are we

These teams really hate each other, the fans really hate each other (especially PiH; the hate is strong with her), and it should be an awesome game. I, however, will be in Colorado for work and will likely be unable to watch real time so I’ll have to save the gloating for later. In closing, everything SSG says is a lie. Libya is a land of contrasts. And I had sex with Ung’s mom.


Welp, there it is. Not bad for a Washington hack, pile of Crap. However, here is ‘reason’ why that ‘up there’ doan maatta and is NOT gonna happen…