The Penguins welcome the Capitals into The Paint Can  with as much enthusiasm as you had waiting for your first colonoscopy. As you can see the season series has been lopsided in the last two, with the Caps outscoring the Pens 12-3. The Penguins are currently on their first three game losing streak of the Mike Sullivan era, and while it hasn’t exactly been fun to watch it also isn’t time to hit the panic button yet. Unfortunately for the Pens, the Capitals have won 9 in a row and are once again reaching their stride as a dominating regular season team, so snapping the current skid will be a tough challenge tonight. Fortunately for the Pens, the Capitals have won 9 in a row and are once again reaching their stride as a dominating regular season team. The big question mark going into this game is Kris Letang, after suffering a leg injury in Detroit the Penguins have been completely silent on Letang’s status. If Letang can’t go, the Penguins will be down 2 of their top 4 defenders facing a Capitals team that has outscored it’s opponents 20-3 in their last four games. In other words, would it really surprise anyone out there for the Pens to pull this off tonight? The game is on NBCSN again… so yay. It is also at home in Pittsburgh, where the team has posted an unreal 18-2-2 record this season (don’t look at the road record, whatever you do).

Surprisingly we haven’t featured the Capitals on our Gomez gallery yet this season! Probably because it is ridiculously obvious who gets this award.

This is rumored to be the look on his face when originally presented with the contract. He thought it was 550,000 per year, until his agent laughed and said “No Brooks, there is another 0 in there”

Orpik is signed at 5.5 million per year for two more years after this one. He will be 38 years old in the final year of that contract, and the Capitals will have an option of buying him out, and then having to pay him over a million dollars for 3 more years. That’s some smart negotiating for a team that can’t reach the Stanley Cup because their defense isn’t up to par.

The Capitals will have Holtby in net after using Grabdik last night. The Capitals also have zero injuries and will be at 100% tonight, minus the fatigue of playing back-to-backs. The Penguins on the other hand are a giant question mark. Sullivan once again rolled with the ineffective Sheary-Crosby-Rust line in Detroit, and has hopefully realized that the line isn’t working. Fehr has been sitting in the press box in favor of Kuhnhackl recently, but I suspect Fehr to be back in the lineup against the Caps since the Pens will need all of the defensive help they can get. As for the defense, if Letang is out then look the fuck out. The defensive pairings will be mixed up in an effort to try to match the Capitals offense, but with Olesky, Ruhwedel and Maatta there will be a mismatch somewhere. Unfortunately for the Pens, the biggest mismatch opportunity for the Caps is Kuznetsov’s speed against Maatta’s inability to move faster than the speed of smell. This game is truly going to come down to the Penguins offense getting back to what made them so successful in the first half of the season, a high pressure forecheck that forces the opponents to play to their speed. Sullivan called the team out last game saying they weren’t trying to outplay teams, just outscore them, and he is right. The Penguins have lost the fundamentals that got them here, and it is now on Sullivan and the coaching crew to get them back. It should be an interesting game tonight, and I am sure NBCSN will make it all the more enjoyable with their flawless coverage of hockey.

LET’S GO PENS

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HERE WE GO

4th round HP POLL…GAME 31 through 40

M L ‘PORN’ King POLL…”I have a wet dream”

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Games 1-10 champion: Game 4: “Taste it, you just taste it. You don’t sit there and guzzle it, you just taste it. Okay?” “I think at the end of the night there will be some guzzling” — Errey

Games 11-20 champion: Game 16: “They are talking about bad stuff, nasty stuff. Stuff that I think Doc likes to see from time to time” — McGuire “Yes, depending on the circumstances” — Emerick

Games 21-30 champion: Game 28: “Feels good when it’s goin in…you want to ride it as long as you can.” — Crosby

DO IT FOR MARTIN …youuge hawkey fan ; )

The Penguins continue taking their show on the road tonight as they pay one final visit to The Joe in Detroit. It only makes sense that the Redwings are getting a new hockey arena, considering that the entire city is nothing but vacant buildings there is plenty of locations to choose from. It is also fitting that the Redwings will be ending their playoff streak in their final season at The Joe, taking away the cities last saving grace and respectable feature. To commemorate The Joe Detroit has posted a huge 7-10-3 mark at home, adding to the delicious decision of Detroit to build a new arena that the city can’t afford because there aren’t any taxpayers left for a team  that will be rebuilding for the first 3 years of said buildings existence to play in.

The Redwings currently sit at the bottom of the Eastern Conference and are starting their back-up’s back-up’s equipment manager in goal tonight, so this one is probably a 7-1 blow out for Detroit. Rumors are Mike Sullivan is feeling a little sensitive and will be starting Marc-Andre Fleury in goal one last time at The Joe, because Fleury has some sort of memories there or something:

Every time I hear Athanasiou I hear “HAPPY TO SEE YOU,” and now you will too, you’re welcome. Am I the only person that forgot Vanek was still in the league? I’m not kidding this time, I truly thought he retired like 2 years ago or something. Sullivan has been sticking with Olesky despite the fact that he takes 1.5 penalties per game, so he will probably do that again. I absolutely refuse to put Rust and Sheary on the first line so I will not adjust that graphic and you can’t make me. Like I said above, Fleury is rumored to start but after a subpar performance by Murray against Ottawa I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. Who in the hell are these guys on Detroit’s defense? Mike fucking Green, who reportedly is upset about the new arena because he will now have to ride his vespa through a famously occupied bloods area, and Dickeyser are the only names I know. I thought I knew Ouellet, until I discovered it is Xavier Ouellet… Also what happened to Steve Ott?

The Penguins enter tonight following back to back regulation losses for the first time in over a season. They face a team that has struggled in every way this year except for one (Detroit is 5-0 in shootouts….woo). This game results in two things, a Detroit Pistol Whip as the Penguins decide now is a good time to reestablish their alpha dominance over the league, or a Pittsburgh Pussy Show and we all pretend that we didn’t care because we are more interested in the Steelers game tomorrow. Regardless of the result, just remember that you don’t live in fucking Detroit, so that makes you a winner.

LET’S GO PENS