Soon.
Soon, you’ll be back to yelling at your TV.
Soon, you’ll be back to fighting with your fantasy league.
Soon, you’ll be back to throwing things at the wall.

Soon.

Before the preseason starts, I just wanted to check in on the E-suite and see how they’ve been performing this offseason. So what the hell did Dubas do this offseason?

After finally ending the four-year playoff drought, the Penguins had a choice: blow it up, go all-in, or try to improve the current roster. Looks like we are going with Plan C, for now.

Let’s go through the offseason casualties and additions.

Anthony Mantha — gone.
This one hurts a little, because I never got to created a Mothra gif. Oh well. He signed with New Jersey.

Kevin Hayes — gone.
He had some moments, but not enough to be a force on the team.

Noel Acciari — gone. This one stings for the fourth-line crowd. I feel like he had his moments, but nothing sticks out. Off to Philly with him.

Ryan Shea — gone.
Shea was dependable defender, nothing grand, and too expensive. He left as an unrestricted free agent and signed a five-year, $20 million contract with the Edmonton.


Parker Wotherspoon — was traded to Vegas for Kaedan Korczak.

Oh sweet Summer Child.
Korczak is 25, 6’3″, has some playoff experience.


Jack St. Ivany — was traded to Winnipeg for David Gustafsson.

Gustafsson is a 26-year-old forward and another Swedish guy. I think Dubas has a type.

Hendrix Lapierre — Obtain from Washington. Pittsburgh gave up a 2027 third-rounder and a 2028 fifth-rounder.
Possibly a ringer or possible chum for Wilkes-Barre. Only time will tell.

Nick Robertson — Obtain from Toronto. The Penguins gave up a 2028 fourth-round pick.
This may be insider trading. He to, may be a ringer or chum.

Andrei Kuzmenko — was given a One year deal, at $5 million, after leaving LA.
He’s Russian, so start working on your Russian Mafia PS now.

Trevor van Riemsdyk — Obtain from Washington; Two years at $4 million.
You already know this Drunk Uncle. I hope he will actually add something, and is not here for a Swan Song.

Ok, Dubas has done A LOT this summer; Sorry but I’m gonna phone the rest of this …

Declan Carlile — Two years at $1.5 million

Ville Koivunen — Eight years. $4 million per season

Now everyone is up to date. Here’s hoping Muse has been cooking, too.