The oddest weekend of the season – I don’t know if I recall back-to-back afternoon games happening before – got off to a disappointing, if ultimately somewhat encouraging start as our boys showed signs of life against the Flames. While it wasn’t enough to get the two points necessary to stay in playoff position, we were treated to a rare Geno Beast-mode sighting.

But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, so it’s time to buckle down and get some points. Time to Get Shit Done.

Simon says 4th line. Wilson says nachos. There’s someone else missing, I think…

Hockey Day in America. Yay, more idiotic factoids from Pee-Air. And he did not disappoint, engaging Forslund in an ‘esoteric hockey knowledge showdown’ (thanks PPYM). Though I guess that was a good thing because it gave us something else to focus on than the terrible officiating.

Also a dirty knee trip on Cullen and Georgiev playing the puck outside in the corner. Teams don’t win or lose based on officiating, and you don’t want to make excuses, but jeezus, bad is bad.

So hockey was happening and the Rags seemed to have the fresher legs. Makes sense since they weren’t playing their second game in less than 24 hours. But whatever the reason, it seemed like they were doing a good job of reading the Pens plays and shutting them down.

But the Pens stuck with it, and hard work was rewarded with some puck luck courtesy of Kevbo Shittenjerk.

Letang (14) from Crosby (45) – 16:11 – EV

LeNorris with the nice LeMoves on the LeFaceoff. Yes, I’m going to do that stupid shit every time he does something good, and no, I won’t apologize. Get it to the net and good things can happen. Also:

The good feels lasted three happy minutes before the Rags got a bounce of their own.

Suckafellow (10) from Hades (28) and Shittyjerk (15) – 19:20 – PPG

Mat Suckafellow with the cross ice attempt that Ol’ Blue just couldn’t keep his stick off of, he was so excited. Oh well, at least Mika ‘The Hairy Gummy Bear’ Zabeana… Zibeena… Zoobena… whatever, at least that ugly bastard didn’t get it.

BTW, Pens were on the PK because the refs were human garbage. Rust was interfered with and held by some assclown and took exception and got in his face. Here’s guessing that Rusty isn’t so upset if the refs get the call right. This theme would continue. Look at me with the foreskinning!

Stats after one:

Some solid work by the Pens that period. Shame they gave one up late, but whachagunnado, cry about it? Babystuff wasn’t in this game, so NO CRYING.

Some stuff happened. People skated arahnd. Both teams were sloppy. About the only constant was that the Crosby unit dominated each time they were on the ice and Jerk Jagoffson sucked. Imagine Schultz without that anchor on him. UGH. Anyway, Hairy Gummy Bear took a (questionable) penalty and the PP was in bidness. The Big Bois played catch for a while but then turned it over to the new look second unit. And Petttterrrssssssson launched a rocket.

Pettersson (2) from Bjugstad (10) and Schultz (6) – 11:41 – PPG

Great puck movement by those guys and a really awesome feed from B-Jugs. Also, Schultz now has 10 points in his last 10 regular season games. Let the fapping commence. Another goal from the D. More foreskinning, because less than three minutes later, more D on the Rags, this time courtesy of Mr. Triple Chugger.

Dumoulin (2) from Crosby (46) and Pettersson (16) – 14:09 – EV

Pettttterrrrssson with the nice keep in to get the puck to Sid who sees through the back of his own helmet to know Dumo was streaking into position. Kudos to Dumo for just laying into this one instead of trying to get fancy. OH THE D…. so much from the D….

Sadly, the goal song had hardly stopped ringing through the arena before Suckafellow sucked again…

Suckafellow (11) from Zabeanisbad (32) and Cryer (20) – 14:35 – EV

LeNorris was LeLazy on this play… didn’t see it developing at all, unlike Dumo who was doing his best to get the situation unfucked. Unfortunately, it was ultimately unfuckable. Unfun.

Speaking of unfun, there was more to come, because the Rags weren’t done and the refs were dumb:

Strome-ingHisPeener (8) from The Referee – 17:45 – EV

The reason Horny was laid out on the ice and looking at the ref in disgust was because he had been very clearly tripped on the play as he was getting to the puck to get it out of danger. Did stupid shit happen to lead up to this that was the Pens fault? Probably – I don’t remember because my short term memory was momentarily blocked by my screaming at the ref on the TV and I didn’t record it to look back. That’s four missed calls by probably the worst group of officials I’ve seen this year.

A couple of minutes later, Sid attempted to perform eye surgery on Neal Pee-on-k and was given a double minor for his efforts. Great way to end the period – completely turning over all momentum to an inferior team heading into the third period on the second of a back to back. Buttholes were clenching and I was looking for the bourbon.

Stats after two:

As you can see, the Pens were getting more chances, and just KILLING it on the dots, but the rewards just weren’t there.

Down a man for the opening four minutes of the period. The Rags with a fresh sheet of ice to work on. One of your best on the PK in the form of Sid in the box. It wasn’t looking great for the home team.

But one good play on the PK turned into two, which turned into three, then four, and so on, and I literally felt my B-hole relaxing, bit by glorious bit, and that’s whats I appreciates about a good PK. And a good BM, actually.

The Pens took that momentum and turned it right around, putting Sid’s line on around him as he got out of the sin bin. He lead a charge up ice, faked out everybody with a fake shot, and found a streaking Letang with a perfect feed and suddenly all was right with the world.

Letang (15) from Crosby (47) and Guentzel (26) – 4:36 – EV

This goal had it all. Sid doing Sid things and dancing with the puck, Marc Staal confused and out of position following Sid, Guentzel and Rust double screening the goalie and LeNorris with the LePerfect LeShot. Four goals, all from defensemen. Last time Pens had four from the D was 1990. LeSix to LeMidnight.

There was a palpable feel that the tide had turned. At least, I felt it, unless it was just the good vibrations from the unclenching and the six-to-midnighting, which is entirely possible. Regardless, the Pens were charging. And Geno, with his new linemates ZAR and The Phil! made sure the Rags kept paying.

Malkin (17) from Kessel (40) and Aston-Reese (6) – 9:55 – EV

Nice heads up play from The Phil! to locate Geno with a perfect backhand feed. Gawddamn The Phil! is good at hockey.

But wait… there’s more. And I can’t do it justice with words, so without further ado:

Malkin (18) from Aston-Reese (7) and Kessel (41) – 9:55 – EV

When Geno is on, this is what happens. He’s been pushing so hard for a weekend like this one. Yesterday was the arrival notice but today he doubled down. This one gave me chills and put a hole in my pants.

It got a little tight after this one as the Rags just kept pushing, adding two more to make us angry and screw up OfSmith’s stats, but it wasn’t to be.


  • Geno Is Back.
  • ZAR is a critical piece of this team and works well with Geno. If I’m Sully, I keep that line for a while and get the most of out it.
  • Production from the blueline is YUUUUUUUUGE.
  • Does anyone have a catapult capable of launching Jaginoff Jeezushowishestillintheleagueson into the sun? If you do, lemme know in the comments below please and thank you.

Incomplete Cum Back

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Hank Spanked

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...