Malkin back. Schultz back. ZAR back. The PENS ARE BACK, BABY!!!

Starting lineup:

Biggest get was definitely Schultz. Not enough has been said about how the absence of a playmaker like Schultz on the second pairing has negatively impacted Geno this season. So he was back, and the crowd at the Taint gave him a very warm welcome. And he very nearly returned the favor.

Here’s hoping that’s a sign of things to come.

Teams traded chances in part due to LeNorris lefrking up a few times. Oh lewell, they didn’t lescore so I guess it’s l’okay. Yeah, I’m aware that wasn’t very funny but it’s 1 PM so bite me.

There were some high danger chances back and forth, and both goalies stood tall. Until a fairly innocent shot from the point found some puck luck and some mangia, mangia, mangia…

Then Pettttttterssssssson destroyed a dude. I know, I’m just as surprised as you. But Tony Sam Bennett didn’t like it so he punched him in the head. Lame. Thankfully, the refs issued the instig… no wait, they just made up a penalty to add instead of the instigator because ‘boys will be boys’ and the instigator comes with a 10 minute misconduct and why would punching a guy for no reason be misconduct, it’s just the way things are done and what the fuck is the point of the rule if it never gets applied? #oldguyyellsatcloud

Anyway, Pens PP got to come out to play, and Sully decided the defensive message had been sent and went with the Big Dawgz on the first unit, with Malkin back on the point. Dangerous, especially against the team leading the league in shorties, but I’m on board with it. Disaster was averted, and the first unit got some good looks, just couldn’t put one home. Time for the second unit, suddenly dangerous with Schultz running the show from the blueline and he wasted little time on this one.

Guentzel (28) from Schultz (5) and Bjugstad (9) – 17:41 – EV

This one was potted about five seconds after the end of the PP, but was basically a PPG. Nice setup, nice delivery, perfect tip by the Snek. Tips would be come a theme…

Stats after one:

Calgary scored twice because Jerk Dumbshitson still plays for the Pens. JEEZUS he is bad. No need for highlights other than those. Except I can tell you that both were tipped.

But the Pens got another Power Play and this time the Big Boyz lived up to their billing.

Crosby (25) from Malkin (43) and Kessel (38) – 6:52 – PPG

Jeezus, Mary and Joseph what a play by Sid.

In other news, The Phil! picks up point #800 on the play.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, The Phil! isn’t going anywhere anytime soon and the Pens will always be better for it. What a player, what a guy.

So now it’s 3-2 and the power play is rolling. Pens had the momentum and were looking goo… WTF

Yo Jake, we get you’re really good at deflections now, but how’s about you don’t do it to Murr, k? Thx byeeeee.

And then, for funsies, the Pens decided to give one up on the PK.

Balls. Just balls. Well, tips, too. Lotsa tips on those there balls.

Stats after two:

Down 5-2 after the break, the only thing keeping me away from the bourbon was having to adult later. Shame, as this recap would have been shorter with bourbon…

Scrap at the end of the 3rd yielded an extra penalty for the Pens. McCann the guilty party. Quick, someone give me a pun because I mccan’t think of one right now. Generally I mccann, but right now I mccan’t. I hope you call mccann forgive me. I wouldn’t. Maybe I should get that bourbon after all…

Murray likely agrees with me, as he was given the hook after two and OfSmith was brought in to shame the rest of the team. For a while, it worked.

Pens killed the penalty and then actually started looking good again. Some great chances from Sid, of course, and then Pettttterrrrssssssson with a great drive to the net and drawing a penalty. Yay, get that PP back out there.

Except caca. Big Bois poopoo on the PP and nearly give up the SHG. Second unit tried and failed, and the Big Bois got another chance and made up for it IMMEDIATELY.

Malkin (15) from Crosby (43) and Kessel (39) – 5:42 – PPG

Geno’s been frking the donkey lately, we all know this. The first goal against earlier today was on him for not covering his guy. He made several questionable plays in the early going. But he brought out Beast Geno to start the 3rd and it was a sight for sore eyes.

Pens kept on building momentum… carrying the play, rolling lines, everyone looking pretty good. So naturally someone had to frk it up. Shame it was ZAR with the boner as he’s a big part of the PK. But they got it done and picked up where they left off, just flying to the puck and making play after play.

Beast Geno was in FULL effect. Flying everywhere and just ANGRY. He knows he hasn’t been as good as he should. So he decided to make up for it. Drawing a penalty with a gorgeous rush. On the resulting PP, you almost knew what would happen…

Malkin (16) from Letang (37) and Crosby (44) – 14:41 – PPG

Down 5-4 with about 5 minutes left. HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!!!

And…… unclench, but carefully, you don’t know what you’ve been holding back. I once unclenched without preparing for it first and had to go get a new couch. Immediately.

Anyway, they nearly did it. They did indeed ‘mount a furious comeback’ as Rob King mentioned, but all it did was leave us with a bad case of



  • Murr gives up 5 on 24… not great numbers, but every one was deflected. Didn’t hate his game, as he had a few gems too.
  • PP was 3 for 4, but really 4 for 4 because Jake’s goal came a few seconds after the PP ended. Geno in beast mode and a killer PP for the last 24 games of the season should be a scary though for the rest of the East.
  • Schultz effect is a thing. Geno in beast mode was in large part made possible by Schultz. Look for that trend to continue.
  • Why isn’t Jack Johnson already launched into the sun? FFS, how many ways does he have to frk a donkey for this to happen?


Game 3 of the homestand and only 2 points in the ole sac, would have been nice to ‘sneeeeep’ (couldn’t resist ; ) this homestand but at least we have today to beat bejeebus out of Babystuff.

The Rangers are in a re-tooling year, decade, century…whatever. They suck. They are currently 24-24-8 / 56 points and good enough for 7th place in the Metro. They are 24th in the league over-all and are NOT making the playoffs. So they should win today…EFFEN BETTER NOT!

They still pay this guy…48 games, 15 points, -13 …LOL
…and Marc Staal: 56 games 12 points, -5 …LOLx2
Whatever…just win BBY!

Oh yuh, today is Hockey Day in Murica. Stay home. Don’t drive. Watch hockey. Be nice to your family. Drink acordingly. Frk responsibility!

Save us Commander BADASS