This is the tale of Meetup 3.0 through the eyes of Bending Unit 22, Serial Number 2716057. As a bending unit created in the Middle East, the journey to the United States of Murica always begins with two, three fingers or a pole in the rectum. It’s unpleasant to some but its a must to enter the Land of the Free if you want to call it so.
Finally got to the Burgh after driving a few hours through sporadic weather. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought Hutz had full control over the weather. After a power nap to recover from my sore throat, cough, and fever I decided to head to Fatheads and notify all of you a week later that you should all have Jovi and Rad on speed dial. I wouldn’t trust Obos driving so definitely don’t call the ambulance.
Whoever chose fatheads for Friday night, kudos to you. Cramped, Crowded, and moist. Couldn’t have asked for a better place to spread something. This was definitely the place to be as the term “Fathead” reflected all of us that night, especially me. Peer pressure from Ung to have a drink ended up turning into this:
Making an ass out of myself in front of everyone at Fatheads, I was glad to meet CwFutureBoy (I think thats how his names spelled) and Jagr. Looking at CwFutureBoy I could’ve sworn I was looking at a real life version of Tintin minus the hair. No matter what anyone says including Jagr, Jagrs a 19 year old millionaire with 20 kids. Apparently I was having deep and meaningful conversations with Finn, Doge, Pih, and Ung? Were they really that meaningful if I cant remember them? I guess it depends what you define as meaningful. I think telling everyone I love you and appreciate you is quite meaningful considering those are the only six words I remember that night.
As the night was dying down, so was I. I couldn’t tell if the world was spinning or if I was bumping into everything but our group definitely died down. SSG was blowing up a toilet at Pirmanti Bros and Ung crawled back to the hole where he came from. I was conscious enough to decide not to make an ass out of myself anymore and head out. I swore not to speak of what happened after I left everyone at fatheads but at 4am my right eye looked like this:
Saturday was a terrible day. Where do I even start? Waking up with a headache as if Vlad and SSG were sitting on my head for 8 hours straight was the least of my problems. I definitely felt like this had happened last night though:
Eff that Pee Drinker.
All of us headed out to Bufords for the pregame meetup apparently. (I don’t ever recall this, I just remember me being there somehow) There I was sitting motionlessly on a chair unable to move, see, or communicate my thoughts correctly. The culprit who started this madness Friday night with his peer pressuring maneuvers, offered me A DRINK to make me feel better. I refused to be mentally overpowered again and respectfully refused. The Lord and Savior, Andy Peppers came to my aid with a pair of sunglasses. Perfect way to hide my eyes and trick people into thinking I was actually listening to them by looking in their direction. Did I mention I also had Airpods in? Barely conscious, I notice everyone all rise to the future President, Rad. As he enters the room with the future first lady, my first thought was YES! Rad will be the one to raise me from the dead. Nope. Sorry Rad, I remained as flaccid as the Pens PP . With one hour left before Pens Vs. Craps game starts, I had to figure out what I could possibly use for motivation to get my ass off of the chair at Bufords. It hit me…I thought of Who Really Cares and how he/she/it succumbed to a 1mph fall and I refused to allow myself to succumb to something so minuscule. I somehow managed to use WRCs misery and suffering to my advantage, I really am an Assahola. Leaving Bufords to get to PPG, this was the first image in my head:
The above feeling and thought couldn’t be more off. We got slapped. At the end of the game, Andy had spilled nacho cheese all over my jacket which somehow found its way onto Jovis jacket. My hearing was practically gone from Jovi and GGB belching in my right ear and Andy blowing wind into my left ear. I think Ungaba told him that was a turn on and thought it may work on me. I have nothing to say about this game other than it was garbage. Deep down I always knew Jack Johnsons terrible and couldn’t get any worse but watching him in person proved me wrong. How is this dude even in the NHL at this point?
After the game, we all decided to meet at the Lexus club even though none of us own a Lexus. Don’t let the group picture below deceive you as this was reality:
I can’t say much about Saturday night as I decided to call it a day early. You can blame SSG for this as I was waiting for him when he was in the process of doing this:
Everything aside, it was great seeing everyone I had met on this blog. The two games we attended may have been awful ones but it was fun nonetheless because of the people around me whether I saw you for a minute or the whole day. From the day I got to the Burgh until the day I left, I spent it with amazing people that I met on this blog. At the end of the day we are human and we have our differences but we are a family and we can get through anything including this Coronacrap. I was pretty bummed out with the losses and may have let it get to my mood while in the Burgh but in hindsight, we experienced possibly the last home game for the Pens of the 2019-2020 season with whats going on in the world. For that, I am extremely appreciative for everyone who made this event happen and hopefully we can continue to have future meetups. Keep safe everyone as the worlds currently burning.
Finn thought he was still in Finlands time zone and decided to close his eyes and take a nap during this picture. Ung saw a woman smile at him for the first time in 20 years so he decided to look in her direction. Doges missing from the above photo as he was completely wasted and laying on the floor next to 25 and 71……….Sunday to follow once I’ve sobered up.
Also, Big shout out to Jovi. If it weren’t for her, I’d still be laying somewhere on the street in the Burgh.