The Misadventures of a State Farm Rep



Um, this is Jake, Jake from Pittsburgh. 
Sidney is forcing me to write down my thoughts and feelings, as if there is something wrong with me.   I just have a dislocated shoulder, I’m not harboring thoughts of taking a dump on the Coach’s desk, again.  However, Sidney said it helped him through some tough times with his injury, and it would help me focus on my recovery.  Blah, Blah, Blah, Dr Phil-Dr Oz.  Well, if it is good for Sid, then I’ll do it a hundred times over.  I got nothing better to do anyway.

Chapter One

Ok, I have been a little lack with my assignment and Sidney said he was stopping by today, sooooooo, let’s begin.  I had my shoulder repaired after some douchebag took me into the boards. FUUUUX. Anyway, the Penguin staff was quick with diagnosing me and give me options. Unfortunately, the best thing for my career, long term, was to do a surgery during the season. This totally bums me out because I’m gonna miss the regular season, but I hope to be ready for the playoffs.

Ok, wait, I’m jumping ahead a little. So I had the procedure and Sidney took me home. He’s been in full big brother mode, which is nice and a little annoying. Apparently, after dropping me off, he stayed to hang with my roommates for a while. It was all they would talk about the next day. That first week was pretty rough, I was in a lot of pain, but Sid and Geno stopped by to give me some encouragement. Well, that’s how it started. After breakfast, Sidney, Zac, and Kahunie sat in the living room, playing Assassin’s Creed while Geno and I talked in my room.

Geno was telling me about his shoulder problems and the steps he took to come back. It was pretty interesting when he told me about how he thought he was being punished for leaving Russia, when he was injured his 1st year. He said Gonch got him through it, then he grabbed my face and said, “I be you Russian bear” and told me to call him whenever.

Then he handed me a gift bag that had the biggest bottle of Vodka I have ever seen. He said I’m supposed to soak some gauze in the vodka, then wrap it around my shoulder every night. There was also a thermos of borstch from Geno’s wife and a thousand piece puzzle of the Mellon arena. Lastly, there was a long rubber tube with a bottle of lotion. I held it up and Geno looked at me with a crooked grin and said, “You keep wrist strong, ok. I got award when I back from surgery. Wrists so strong, I break many sticks.” I awkwardly thank Geno and hide the bag under my bed, as we walked out of my room. Sid and Geno dipped not long afterwards and I spent the rest of the day on the couch watching Anime with Zac.

Well Sid’s here, we’re on our way to Old Navy.