The Misadventures of A State Farm Rep

Ok, back to the story…

We left Marino to use his baby-face charm to chat up the hotel staff, while we used the lobby phone to call room 237. “Hello sir, sorry to interrupt your night, but there is a special delivery from Ron Burkle, and you have to sign for the letter”.   Fifteen minutes later, cue Tom Wilson in all his hobo chic, as he slithered off the elevator to the front desk. Marino, smartly looked away, as Wilson picks up his envelope. It instructed him to head to the hotel bar for an impromptu meeting. It was a risky plan, but Angello walked right up to McDickface and was able to start up a conversation. Well, actually Wilson was being a douchebag at first, about how he “doesn’t do autographs”, but Angello started buying him drinks. He was all like, “Oh man, I loved you in that last movie”. “Who do you think I am”? “Aren’t you Chris Hemsworth”? Wilson laughed and Angello was in. The drinks worked, and Wilson forgot all about his “meeting”; Thank you Green Fairy.  Next it was Lafferty’s turn, but he was passed out on the street.

I would do it, but Wilson would have recognized me, so I forced fed Kahun some bread sticks and told him he was up. Kahun walked over to Angello and invited him to this dive bar nearby. He explained that there was this awesome band playing and the place was full of girls. Angello invited Wilson, and I guess he must have realized his meeting was cancelled, because he obliged. I rushed to the bar, before they arrived, and cleared out the men’s room. Soon afterwards, Angello and Kahun bring Wilson in. “Hey, I haven’t done 3 guys since college, so one of you have to watch”, Wilson said. Then he recognized me and started a beeline to the door, which was now blocked by Marino. “You guys think you can take me on.” “You touch me and I’ll kick your ass, then on Sunday, TJ and Dmitry will destroy your team”, Wilson shouted. I heard the door lock and Marino came flying up to Wilson, and chocked slammed him into the counter. It was amazing; Angello and Kahun picked him up, dragged him into the stall, and dunked his head in the water; while I repeatedly flushed the toilet. We dragged him out onto the floor to let him rest for a bit. We sent a couple of selfies to some of the guys at the party. Angello gives a head-nod to the urinal and smiles. (Oh yeah, this guy is a Penguin.)

We laughed the whole way back, picked up Laffy (no pun), and swung by the WAWA to get our supplies. We help Laffy onto my bed and checked out what was left of the party. There was a small group people, I didn’t know, hanging around in the kitchen, talking about Game of Thrones and playing cards. Some of the guys were passed out in different locations of the house. Sheary was still here, of course, so we got him to help us prank some of the guys before he left. Out first victim was Simone. Then we moved onto Blueger.

It was 3 am by now, so I cleared out who was left. Zac and I carried Kahun into his room, and then Zac went to bed. I stayed up and assessing the damages, and I got some great shots too. It’s gonna be fun looking at these in the future.


In hindsight, this was not a smart decision, as the guys lost against Buffalo. I sure hope the guys can pull out a win against Washington. Maybe I should call Wilson and wish him luck.


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